Charlotte Allen: As a celibate Catholic priest, you've probably been asked this before. How can you give advice to married people and people who want to get married?

Fr. Albert Cutié: You don't have to be mentally ill to be a good psychiatrist. I don't think you have to be someone who has a real problem in order to relate to people's problems. When you are in the help industry, especially as a priest, rabbi, or minister, you're constantly hearing from people talking about marriage or sexual dysfunction. People naturally turn to religious figures for advice. Half the people who write to me are not Catholic.

Allen: What advice do you give to single people about finding a mate who's right for them?

Fr. Cutié: People usually come to me with a very definite idea of who the ideal person is for them. It usually has to do with some physical characteristic. I tell them: That's not important. What is important is seeking out someone you can love and give your life to. You have to base your search for a mate on the capacity to form those strong and lasting relationships.

Allen: What is the biggest impediment in today's society to forming strong and lasting relationships?

Fr. Cutié: The biggest issue is courtship and how people meet. There are things like speed-dating, where people say they are too busy to spend a lot of time getting to know someone and want to form a lasting relationship based on just a couple of dates.

When people are serious about a relationship today, they have to be careful not to fall into the traps that are out there. For example, rushing into physical intimacy. The relationship begins with the carriage in front of the horse. We rush into this very deep aspect of the relationship before we know each other, before we share our common values and goals for life. People are getting hurt left and right. In my book, I talk about how to establish the foundations first.

Allen: Your book seems to gently prod people toward what is essentially a traditional Christian view of marriage: fidelity, sticking with marriage for the long haul, self-giving. Will those Judeo-Christian values work for everyone? A lot of people who have no religion must come to you.

Fr. Cutié: If you want to enter a lasting relationship, you need common human values, apart from the spiritual values of faith and religion. Sometimes we may confuse traditional Christian values with basic human values: respect your neighbor, treat others well. But the book offers a perspective of faith. Faith and spirituality somehow help couples. It helps those who are seeking something more, a greater challenge.

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