Dating 101: Will Your Guy Cheat on You?
You don't need lipstick on a collar to know your man is the two-timing type. Here, a simple test that'll reveal his philandering potential.
By Cosmopolitan
Photo: iStockphoto.com/Craig Swatton
Updated: May 22, 2009
When
you're dating a guy, you can forgive him for some indiscretions,
but it's nearly impossible to turn the other cheek if
he strays. Well, Cosmo did some investigating to ascertain the traits
that may make men more likely to cheat, and some of our findings were
surprising eye-openers.
But before you
freak, realize that just because he possesses characteristics of a
mangy scoundrel doesn't mean he's actually cheating on you. "You have
to listen to your gut as well as read the clues," says Gary Aumiller,
Ph.D., a psychologist and coauthor of "
Red Flags!
How to Know When You're Dating a Loser." Run through this
list of wandering-eye warning signs to see if your partner is
predisposed to prowl... and find out how you can deal.
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Dating Factor: His BackgroundCheat Predictor #1
Was he spoiled as a kid? Do his parents tend to baby him and help him out of financial jams?Has he ever bragged about cheating on an exam or paying someone to write a paper for him in college?If
your man seems to have sailed through life without ever hitting the
rough waters that rock the rest of us, beware. Privileged chaps tend to
suffer from a sense of entitlement (read: bratty-boy syndrome), so he
may believe that the rules don't apply to him. He's so used to getting
what he wants, why should he stop now?
"He
might cheat because he thinks he deserves to fulfill all of his needs,
no matter who he might hurt," says Shirley Glass, Ph.D., a
psychologist, infidelity expert and author of the forthcoming "Not Just
Friends: Protecting Your Relationship from Infidelity and Healing from
the Trauma of Betrayal." "He probably has little concept of how upset
you would be if you found out because he's too self-centered to think
about your feelings."
So how do you
know if your have-it-all hunk has other women on his wish list? Glass
suggests paying attention to how he copes when he's confronted with any
bad behavior on his part. Does he regret getting caught forwarding your
racy emails to his friends but feel no guilt for doing it in the first
place? Does he blame others when he screws up rather than take
responsibility himself? If he can't see how his actions affect others,
he's not likely to say, "Whoa, what about my girlfriend?" when
temptation strikes.
Dating Factor: His CareerCheat Predictor #2
Does he work mostly with women? Is
he always logging in late hours, whether it be at the office, at dinner
with clients or on business trips? Does he make a lot of money?It's
great to date a guy with ambition -- and his deep pockets definitely
don't hurt when he brings you pricey baubles -- but the office
environment can open the door to private meetings of the carnal kind.
According to Glass, studies show that when men cheat, it's most often
with a work colleague. "Not only are people with similar interests side
by side on a daily basis, but the time they spend together is usually
when they're most energetic and look their best."
Unfortunately,
the bigger his wallet, the more likely your busy bee is to cozy up with
an office buddy. According to a study conducted by Jan Halper, Ph.D.,
author of "Quiet Desperation: The Truth About Successful Men," top-tier
guys have affairs more often than those on a lower rung, and not just
because big bucks can be babe magnets. "Evolution has wired men to
understand that the better they are at providing, the more appealing
they are to women," says Alon Gratch, Ph.D., a psychologist and author
of "If Men Could Talk." "Since testosterone is what drives men's quest
for power, if a guy has achieved status, he's more likely to act on his
desires." Remember that little Oval Office incident?
But
before you start staking out your guy's office parking lot, realize
that a career-oriented man might just be spending time working
diligently. If he sounds happy that you call during the day, invites
you to his office and takes you to company parties, you're most likely
his one and only partner. It's when he acts more secretive about his
work than a CIA agent that he's probably taking on after-hours
clients.
Dating Factor: His Schmooze MOCheat Predictor #3
Can he talk his way out of anything (parking tickets, rolling into work late)? Does he make an effort to charm everyone -- your coworkers, your older sister, a saleswoman? When you go to parties, does he insist on making the rounds?Your
friends and family love him, and he always manages to keep you
entertained. How could you not adore him? But according to Glass,
sweet-talkers often have a deep need for approval and thrive on
attention. So what's wrong with dating a really friendly fella? Well,
sometimes a smooth operator's need for the spotlight can't be satisfied
by one woman's ego-stroking. And if he's suave with the ladies,
opportunities undoubtedly arise. "Charmers meet a lot of women and win
them over easily," says Aumiller. "So even if his intentions aren't
more than friendship, they might be willing to move beyond friendship,
and that's hard to resist."
To
determine if your charmer might become a two-timer, watch how he
interacts with you in social settings. A guy who wants to play with
other partners may brush you off when chatting with a new female friend
or get noticeably more uncomfortable with PDAs when other women are
around. "He should act like a boyfriend, giving you side glances when
he's talking with someone else, for example, or making sure he spends
at least part of the night partying with you," says Gratch. But it also
wouldn't hurt to remind him how attention-worthy you are. When he chats
up a chick in the corner, flirt with a few guys yourself. Once he sees
that you have your own game going on, he'll focus back on
you.
Dating Factor: His FriendsCheat Predictor #4
Does
he usually hang out with a crew of mostly single
guys?Do his friends encourage him to join them in just-for-men activities? Do his pals have problems staying in relationships?The
nightclubs, the bachelor parties, the dudes-only deeds we're better off
not knowing the details of -- it's enough to make any woman worry just
a wee bit. Although boys-will-be-boys, bonding time helps a committed
man feel less, well, trapped, the appeals of bachelorhood may make him
long to be a free agent. A recent study of 37,000 men and women showed
that when guys see those around them splitting from their significant
others, it tends to encourage them to do the same.
You
want to believe that his buddies would have enough sense to stop your
guy from canoodling with some cute club-hopper, but they won't always
be on your side. According to Aumiller, "If a coupled-up guy's friends
are all looking to get lucky, they may not only tease him about being
tied down but also actually dare him to cheat. At the very least,
they'll cover for him."
Still, there's
no need to ban him from hanging out with the bachelors if he's able to
strike the right balance between his buddies and you. "He should
include you sometimes when he meets up with friends," says Glass.
Although your fella's frat pack might seem like the enemy, chumming it
up with the guys (fake fondness if you have to) can do wonders for your
relationship. Once you've earned their respect, they're much less
likely to push your partner into prowling.
Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.
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