Dating Advice: 10 Ways to Tell He's Lying
By dating editor Ranya Fattouh for Glamour
Photo: Getty Images
Updated: Nov 19, 2009
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We're
all guilty of a little white lie here and there, but
when it comes to major dishonesty, there are a few telltale signs every
woman should look for. Here are 10 tip-offs that he may be hiding
something from you.
More Glamour:1. Your gut tells you something is wrong.If
you feel like something is off, it probably is. "It may not be exactly
what your imagination is suggesting, but we don't experience knots for
no reason," says Brenda Della Casa, author of "Cinderella
Was a Liar: The Real Reason You Can't Find (or Keep) a
Prince." Most women know they're being lied to long before
they actually admit it, but they don't immediately act on their
intuition. "Women tolerate a lot of excuses," says comedian Steve
Harvey, author of "Act
Like a Lady, Think Like a Man." "A guy that always has an
excuse or lie as to why it didn't happen, why it couldn't happen, why
it won't happen, is no good."
2. The details don't add up."Generally,
liars mess up and change a detail in their story," says Ian Kerner,
Ph.D., a New York City-based clinical sexologist. Ask yourself: "Does
this really make sense?" says Robert Feldman, author of "The
Liar in Your Life: The Way to Truthful Relationships." "Look beyond what he's saying and try to be an objective observer of
his behavior."
3. He suffers from TMI (or TLI -- that's Too Little Information!).Guys
who lie tend to give too much information or keep very quiet -- be
cautious of both. "You know your guy and you know when he's not acting
like himself. If your guy is chatty and suddenly he's not, something's
up. If your guy is very quiet and suddenly he's giving you too many
details, something's up," says Jenny Lee, coauthor of "Women
Are Crazy, Men Are Stupid."
4. He refuses to get personal.Most
people who are comfortable in a relationship are open to sharing
details of their lives. If a guy is unusually distant and keeps almost
everything about himself secret, he's probably holding something back.
"Don't be fooled by a guy who says 'that's too deep; I don't want to
discuss that.' Good guys will appreciate the depth of your questions;
liars will run from them," says Harvey.
5. He starts covering his tracks.If
your guy is constantly deleting his browser history or shutting down
his email, or if there are numerous occasions where it's impossible to
reach him, you might want to get out of there -- fast. "If you're with
a guy who carries two cell phones, but one of them never rings, or if
he only pays in cash or immediately heads for the shower when he gets
home, those are all major red flags," says Nancy Dreyfus, author of
"Talk to Me Like I'm Someone You Love: Relationship Repair in a
Flash."
6. He's super defensive."If
you find that he pauses a lot when responding to your questions,
becomes overly fidgety and defensive, or can't look you in the eye, be
suspicious that he might not be telling you the truth," says
Kerner.
7. He repeats his story."Men
tend to say the truth just once," says Howard J. Morris, coauthor of
"Women Are Crazy, Men Are Stupid." "It's the truth, after all. It
doesn't need to be repeated three times."
8. He constantly blames you.Although
it's natural for a guy to be a little testy when interrogated, if you
notice that he's always shifting the blame so that you look like the
guilty party, question his motives. "If every concern you have gets
twisted around and thrown back at you, he's pulling a classic
guilty-man move. Keeping you on the defensive keeps him out of
trouble," says Della Casa.
9. He has an answer for everything.Watch
out for excuses that are very buttoned up, a little too perfect, and
rehearsed. "If you find yourself making sense of something that doesn't
make sense or making exceptions, stop yourself," says
Dreyfus.
10. He makes the lies seem like no big deal.Liars
have an advantage because what they say is what we want to hear, and
they know it. Even if he's feeding you little lies that make you feel
good about yourself, remember that they are lies. "It's hard to
constantly be thinking, Is this the truth, is this not the truth? Even
if it seems innocent enough, someone who lies about little things is
going to lie about big things," says Feldman. "If you do stay in the
relationship, rebuild trust slowly and be clear that if he lies again,
it's over."
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