Dating 101: Seven Warning Signs of a Troubled Relationship
When is it time to say, "My relationship is in trouble, and we need help?" How do you know when that time is?
By Sharon Rivkin, M.A., M.F.T, for www.hitchedmag.com
Photo: ©iStockphoto.com/Rasmus Rasmussen
Updated: May 22, 2009
When
couples wait too long to ask for help, the
relationship may be beyond repair. The sooner help is sought, the
better chance there is of recovering, saving and actually strengthening
the relationship. This includes issues dealing with affairs or other
types of betrayal.

The longer we wait, the more entrenched we get in
destructive patterns and resentment and all hope for change is
lost.
The longer we wait, the more entrenched we get in
destructive patterns and resentment and all hope for change is
lost. At a certain point we don't even want
change... we just want to be done.
The seven warning signs that a relationship is in trouble are:
1. Fighting has become the rule rather than the exception to the rule.
2.
You find yourself looking outside the relationship for comfort, care,
and understanding.
3.
You can't remember what attracted you to your partner in the first
place.
4.
There is little or no intimacy in your relationship -- sleeping in
different rooms or different beds, lack of interest, anger, and
hostility so that intimacy is out of the question.
5.
Spending very little time together, friends seem to be more important
than your partner.
6.
Reactions to situations are disproportionate to the content of the
disagreement (i.e., feeling your partner doesn't love you because
she/he didn't like the meal you cooked).
7.
Feeling helpless and hopeless to change anything. Feeling done with the
relationship, but unclear as to where to go and what to do. Feelings of
anger, resentment, pain, and desperation are predominant.
If
any or all of these describe you in your relationship, your
relationship is in trouble and it won't be long before something more
drastic happens, such as an affair, arguments get worse and inflate
with intensity, increased jealousy, silence for longer periods of time,
and sometimes even physical and/or verbal abuse.
Before
your relationship reaches that critical crisis point, look at the
warning signs and do something before it's too late:
- Seek psychotherapy
- Read books
- Talk to a spiritual/religious advisor
Without
help, the relationship will never get better with time; once a certain
level of resentment, anger, and hostility hits, it will simply get
worse and worse. Avoiding a total crisis and saving the relationship is
done by knowing when you're in trouble and taking immediate
action.
Want to read
more articles from Hitched? Check out
hitchedmag.com More Dating Tips:Sharon M. Rivkin, Marriage and Family Therapist, and author of "The First Argument: Cutting to the Root of Intimate Conflict," (
www.thefirstargument.com) has worked with couples for 25-plus years. Her unique insight into the first argument was featured in "O: The Oprah Magazine" and "Reader's Digest," and has attracted people throughout the U.S. and abroad for consultation, workshops, and courses. For more information on Sharon Rivkin visit
www.sharonrivkin.com.