It seems logical that like would attract like, but in my private practice as a marriage counselor and psychotherapist, I often see people drawn to their opposite. For "opposite" couples, your relationship feels great at first, because it's new and exciting. But if there isn't a certain degree of similarity between you and your partner, it will be too stressful to last. The excitement and challenge of your relationship comes from your differences; the security and ease of your relationship comes from your similarities.

To begin with, unless you're in a same-sex couple, you're dealing with different genders. Part of figuring out if you'll make a good couple is working out the differences in your social expectations. It's no wonder people are nervous, social mores are changing rapidly, and no one is too sure how to act. The best thing you can do is react slowly, and give your date a chance to telegraph what he or she is going to do.

For single women: Don't rush to get out of the car. Fiddle a bit with your handbag until you see if he makes a move to come around and open your door. Don't just yank a door open and walk through. Walk a little slowly to give him a chance to open it. If he does neither of these things, no harm done -- just do it yourself and now you know. When the bill comes for the first date, if he asked you out and selected the restaurant, it's safe to assume he's paying. Don't take it for granted -- definitely thank him.

If you have his address, it's charming to send a little thank you note, and it doesn't seem as forward as a call. Or use email, or call his home phone and leave a little thank you message when you know he's at work.

Men value competency and problem solving. Women value intimacy and emotional connection. The truth is that learning successful problem solving ends fighting and power struggles, and therefore leads to more intimacy. Women, you may think he's focused entirely on time, power, or money, but what he's really trying to do is create enough security that he can feel safe to let his guard down. Men, you might think she's illogical or irrational, but she's responding to emotional cues you haven't been trained to see.

It's not just that "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus" -- it's that all of us have grown up on different planets. Whatever your family did seems "normal" and "right" to you, and couples can get caught up in arguing about who's right rather than focusing on what will work. This is especially difficult in mixed-culture families. Blended couples have blended children, who need both cultures. Learning to combine traditions, cuisines, and family celebrations can really create a brand new culture that celebrates everyone. I have helped many couples accomplish this, and the result is joyful.

When your differences are grating against each other, you need to stop insisting you're right or your partner is wrong, and seek to re-establish your connection. To reconnect, be sure you are listening to each other and understanding your mutual needs and wants. The most powerful thing you can do to keep a marriage strong is form a partnership, a team, where both parties feel respected, cared about, and needed. If you really want to revive your relationship, begin not by complaining about your needs that aren't being met, but by focusing on understanding your partner's needs, and communicating what you want. Once you make the connection, you can begin to work out the issues.

Intimacy is the art of making your partner feel understood and accepted. When this feeling is created, barriers fall. Gentle touch, eye contact, a gentle sense of humor, and the right words all create an intimate atmosphere. Commenting positively on your partner's looks or the day's activities will also help. Partners often disconnect when they don't feel interested in each other anymore. When there's a problem with intimacy, a partner who's sympathetic and doesn't make demands can be very healing and appealing.

1. Talk frequently and honestly to each other about your frustrations, about intimacy, about anger, about disappointment, about your appreciation of each other, about the meaning of life, about everything.

2. Strive to work together to solve anything that comes up. Learn to be a team, a partnership. Don't get stuck on who's right or wrong. Instead, focus on what will solve the problem.

3. Keep your connection going through communication, affection, understanding, and mutual concern for one another.

4. Have a sense of humor, give the benefit of the doubt, and lighten up. Try not to react so dramatically, and let small things roll off your back.

When you follow these four steps, your differences won't separate you -- they'll excite you.