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Feelings of jealousy have little to do with your man
Not Trust My Partner?
Partners sometimes have a hard time coping when it's guys' or girls' night out
By Terri L. Orbuch, Ph.D. www.hitchedmag.com Updated: Feb 7, 2010
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Question: My man tells me he would like to spend time with his friends. I know this is important to him, but I get upset anyway. Why do I get jealous when my guy goes out with friends?
Answer: Don't despair, you're not alone. Nearly everyone has suffered through a jealous twinge or two at some point in time. People experience jealousy when they think they are going to lose a relationship that is of value to them. Finding out why you get jealous when your spouse goes out with their friends begins by looking inside yourself.
Feelings of jealousy have little to do with your man
Feelings of jealousy have little to do with your man, and more to do with you and your issues of confidence and self-worth.
Two types of jealousyFeelings of jealousy have little to do with your man Most people don't know there are two types of jealousy: reactive and suspicious. Reactive jealousy is when you become aware of an actual threat to your relationship. This threat could have happened years go or it may be anticipated in the future, but the feeling always occurs in response to a realistic danger. Suspicious jealousy arises when your partner hasn't done anything wrong and your suspicions or feelings do not fit the facts at hand.
Suspicious jealousy leads to anger or mistrustful behaviors to confirm your thoughts and suspicions. This distinction is important, because everybody feels reactive jealousy when they realize their partner has been unfaithful or may be distancing themselves from the relationship.
However, people vary in their tendencies to feel suspicious jealousy in the absence of any real danger.
However, people vary in their tendencies to feel suspicious jealousy in the absence of any real danger.
How to manage jealousyHowever, people vary in their tendencies to feel suspicious jealousy in the absence of any real danger. To help manage feelings of jealousy, take a second to read the tips below. It takes a bit of work on your part, but it will help you manage the anger you feel when your man goes out with friends.
Dependency: Become less dependent on the relationship to determine how you feel about yourself. The more dependent you are on the relationship, the more jealousy you feel in response to a real or perceived threat. Remember, your self-worth is not related to your partner's desire to spend time with friends.
Self-confidence:
Build your own self-confidence and self-esteem.
Build your own self-confidence and self-esteem. Feelings of inadequacy lead to more jealousy. Write down 10 positive things you like about yourself. Keep the list close to you during the day and use the list to affirm your self-worth.
Build your own self-confidence and self-esteem. Do not compare: Your guy's friends have qualities and interests that you may not have. That is okay. Do not compare yourself to your man's friends. He wants to be with you too! You have unique strengths and qualities, and you can never expect to satisfy all of the needs and interests of your partner.
Sign of true love: Many people assume that jealousy is a sign of true love or how much they care about a person. This is wrong. Be sure not to view jealousy as a way to test a relationship.
Communicate: Try to express your concerns and feelings to your partner. Direct communication is the best way to get your concerns or suspicions heard. The two of you probably differ in your relationship rules about leisure time. Your man may feel that in a happy relationship, it is important for each partner to have their own hobbies, interests and friends.
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