The article is useful and applies to those who get too busy to remember all the important things about maintaining a happy and healthy relationship. Every good example deserves using.

I am in a relationship right now that started off as an affair. I was married for 16 years and previously had two long term relationships. The long term relationships ended because they cheated on me. I gave it my all to those two relationships and just when I felt everything was ok they cheated. In my marriage our break up was because he was 16 years my senior and we grew apart. But I have to say he never had I problem with me having his passwords to anything. I always told him that if he ever felt he wanted out of the relationship just to let me know so we don't waste any of our time. In those 16 years, I caught him once trying to have lunch with an exgirlfriend and when I confronted him about those voicemails he flat out denied it. Thats when i knew he was capable of lying to me. We worked it out and lasted another 7 years together. My point is if you have nothing to hide amongst each other there is no reason to be defensive with having access to each others account. The current relationship i have, he is so firm about having his own private email. Mind you this is the guy who told me Im the one he wants to marry and he trusts me with everything. HMMMM!!!! Now I'm trying to see if we can meet half ways on this issue but it's like pulling teeth. Am I being paranoid or am I insecure and crazy. Please help CONFUSED!!!!

Dear Confused--here's my take: (1) I believe that a healthy relationship should have no secrets so you both should be able to see each others emails (even if you chose not to exercise that ability); (2) openess also eliminates a great temptation that may come up in the future; (3) I do think that sometimes it takes time for them to close the links to their old lives--so patient on your part may be a factor; (4) I don't know you, but look at how you approach the situation, he may be saying no because he feels you are being controlling or disrespecting him. In other words his answer may not have anything to do with his privacy; and lastly (5) remember that any thing given voluntarily counts more than that given by force. What I mean is that he can give you access, but then created other accounts that you will never know of--so you will a hollow victory. The bottomline is that his reluctance is a factor for you to consider whether he is trustworthy or not BUT also you may be a factor in his keeping this wall up. In the end, if he does not agree, it is better to see how much electronic privacy time he needs, than to push him into an even more deceptive situation. If he is honorable and decides that you are the one, then the wall WILL come down. Hope this helps :)

I am totally in empathy and sympathy with the last yahoo contributor, I have been married for 12 years to a woman who is a cheater and liar and won't admit. Now she spends all her waking hours in front of the computer writing to men around the world, so she says, some of them are local guys and who knows what has happened. We had a talk about 90 days ago about her behavior and she refuses to curb it. Its funny, I cannot have any male or female friends or office friends or anyone in my life other than her, but here she is involving herself in things that she definitely knows are wrong but she continues, I believe like the last reader, that this relationship is headed for the end!!!!!

Help.My Situation is on the other side of the wall. I was the one who hurt someone else by being dishonest and deceitful. Here's my story. I had a boyfriend who I loved for 2 years and was engaged to. He kept on hurting me, but I had hoped for the best with it and in the end I had to leave that relationship. Shortly after I broke up with my fiance, I unexpectedly met and fell in love with a different guy. I wasn't ready for that, but it happened. For the first time I had someone who was everything that I wanted, but I was still afraid of having my heart broken in the end. While that was going on, my ex was trying to get me back by promising me a future. I struggled with the idea that maybe I could give up my new love for the old that I had history with and was promising me a future, so I talked to him and saw him once in awhile and lied to my new love about it. I didn't want to lose or hurt my new love so I lied and that was wrong. I broke up with the new love and tried to make things work with the old one. I tried for several weeks, but I couldn't make it work because I was still madly in love with my new love. I finally couldn't take it anymore and cut things with the old love and got back in touch with my new true love. I think leaving my new love was the worst mistake I ever made and I hate how I hurt him. I know how bad I screwed him, but I know without any doubt now that I'd give him the world and be honest with him now. He tellls me he still loves me too and I know he does, but he also says he doesn't trust me at all and I understand why. He's being resistant towards a real reunion, but I can feel how much he still loves me. What can I do to make it work after I screwed him so bad? Is there any hope? be honest.

No matter who you are, the husband or the wife, niether one has any right to check thier mates email, voicemail, wallet or purse. There are some things that a spouse as NO RIGHT TO SNOOP IN! That goes for both male and female. What ever happened to the day of having some things private? It is also a thing of trust and RESPECT for the spouse. I have been in a few relationships over my years, and I would NEVER even think about snooping in thier purse, reading thier email or checking voice mail....IT SHOULD NOT EVEN BE A QUESTION !!!!

I had been dating my ex for 3 years she had an affair. I tried everything to get her back, though she said the right things she never let go of the other guy. I lost trust in her and the only way I new she was still with the guy is that I checked her phone records. I still have a broken heart; I still don't know what to do. I told her had to be all in with me or all out no in between stuff. She left me saying she was going to work on her self, but I know if my broken heart she went back to him.

I had been dating my ex for 3 years she had an affair. I tried everything to get her back, though she said the right things she never let go of the other guy. I lost trust in her and the only way I new she was still with the guy is that I checked her phone records. I still have a broken heart; I still don't know what to do. I told her had to be all in with me or all out no in between stuff. She left me saying she was going to work on her self, but I know if my broken heart she went back to him.

I had been dating my ex for 3 years she had an affair. I tried everything to get her back, though she said the right things she never let go of the other guy. I lost trust in her and the only way I new she was still with the guy is that I checked her phone records. I still have a broken heart; I still don't know what to do. I told her had to be all in with me or all out no in between stuff. She left me saying she was going to work on her self, but I know if my broken heart she went back to him.

to be honest,am maried to a maried man, who still lives with the first wife.his wife knew about me with the two kids,he send money to both of us and said,mine is mine and hers is hers but when he comes back home and want to go and visit his 1st wife,he often take money from my acount and go and when return hes emty handed.He buys new things for her like house,cars and mine is just secondhand once and often say unesersery words to me and that makes me mad so i decided to find another man till i came accros B who is caring,luvingand want to take me with my 2 kids but am still with my husband.i wanna mary B.do i make the right decision,please help,confuse.