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7 Steps to Dating Success Using the "American Idol" Approach

By Krista Bloom, Ph.D.
Special to Yahoo! Personals
Updated: May 22, 2009
Krista Bloom
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"American Idol" has America falling in love with it each season. The show finds amazing talent using a system of recruiting, screening and evaluating potential superstars. Why not tap into the same methods to find your Mr. or Ms. Right?
Here are seven steps to finding great dates or a mate using the "American Idol" approach.
Step 1: Identify your criteria
Idol hopefuls bring talent, desire and fortitude to the table for a chance to receive fame, fortune and a touring contract.
“Make a list of the qualities you possess and those that you must have in your relationship”
Make a list of the qualities you possess and those that you must have in your relationship with your "love idol." Here is a sample list.
In my next relationship, my partner and I will:
  1. Be physically attracted to each other.
  2. Share a love of the outdoors: walking, boating, etc. (plug in your main interests here).
  3. Share similar financial goals.
  4. Share a desire for marriage and children.
  5. Enjoy being social with friends and family.
  6. Be able to talk openly and often about love, life and world events.
Keep in mind, it's your list, so list the qualities that are your requirements for a lasting relationship. You are your own talent scout, in search of the best for you.
Step 2: Pre-screen the candidates
Idols are thoroughly pre-screened in front of the judges without music. They have only a few minutes to impress the judges; otherwise they do not make it to the next round.
In dating, you can also have a pre-screening interview.
“If you meet online or at an event, you can exchange numbers and talk on the phone first.”
If you meet online or at an event, you can exchange numbers and talk on the phone first. Set up a short meeting over coffee to pre-screen hopefuls. Talk casually about your interests, and ask a couple of questions about theirs. Keep the conversation light so you don't come off as an interrogator. See if you "click" and enjoy each other's company before you set up a longer date.
If you don't match, move on. If you do click, then arrange to meet again in a public place. Search online at sites like Yahoo!'s Upcoming or Meetup for fun activities such as art or music festivals.
Step 3: Hold auditions
"American Idol" candidates work on their singing to prepare for auditions. Prepare for your own dating "auditions." Date different people at least a couple of times per week. Join an activity club of your favorite interest to meet people. At this stage, you can plan a longer date. If you have a busy schedule, meet the person for lunch during work hours, or go to an art festival on the weekend. Make time to date, even if it means missing your favorite TV show once in awhile.
Step 4: Narrow down your choices
On American Idol, the judges keep looking hard at candidates during each phase of the process to evaluate their skills. Keep your eyes open for physical, intellectual and lifestyle commonalities between you and your date.
Decide if you are a match before you jump into a relationship. Give yourself at least 3 to 6 months of dating before you rule out all others.
“If a person is nice but doesn't match your requirements, keep looking!”
If a person is nice but doesn't match your requirements, keep looking! By not settling, you keep yourself open to the best opportunities. You may find someone that initially doesn't catch your eye but turns out to be exactly what you are looking for. That's why it's good to take your time to date different types of people.
Step 5: Proceed to the next round
The judges and the public become more and more critical with each round, to see if the candidates have staying power. Do the same for your dating candidates. Become discerning, without being hurtful. There's no need to explain to someone why you don't want to see them again. Just say no thanks.
Look closely for red flags or warning signs. Here are some examples:
  1. They are perpetually late for dates or don't call you when they say they will.
  2. They want you to drop all your friends to be with them 24/7.
  3. They are always checking out other people while you are out with them.
  4. They don't seem interested in or attentive to you.
  5. They don't share your main interests and ideas about lifestyle.
People say opposites attract, but that doesn't mean they should get married. You can end a relationship if the person doesn't match your desires. If you have no good candidates in mind, meet some new people. Have friends introduce you to singles they know by having a happy hour or dinner party.
If you are a match on all levels so far, then proceed to the next round!
Step 6: The final rounds
Simon, Paula and Randy look at candidates and debate intensively over a period of weeks and months before handing out a record deal. The rush of infatuation can trick you into thinking it's a good idea to get serious right away. It's important, once you have found someone you enjoy being with, to wait at least 6 to 9 months before discussing the possibility of being exclusive.
Ideally, if you can hold out, take at least a year to get to know someone before deciding to become exclusive. In time, both of you will experience enough of your personality and habits to see if they gel.
If you really like a person, notice how they interact with you, friends and family. It is important to get along with each other's inner circle. Ask for honest feedback from those who love you. Be open to what they have to say. Decide as you go along who you do and don't wish to date anymore.
Don't commit to a relationship unless you are absolutely sure that you are for each other!
Step 7: Final Decision: Who gets your vote and wins your heart
If you are sure you have found Mr. or Ms. Right, double and triple check that they are everything you have wanted in life. You can compromise on the small issues, but make sure your major requirements are met; otherwise, you are asking for relationship woes down the road. For example, if one of you wants kids and the other one doesn't, that is a deal-breaker.
Although no one is perfect, you deserve to share a total mind, body and heart connection with your life partner. When you do have that final talk and tell them they are the one for you, you can more safely give them your heart and spend your life together. Enjoy all the rewards that your search brings to both of you. May you find your happily ever after!
Leave a comment COMMENTS50 COMMENTS
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A Yahoo! Contributor
I pretty much did all that before American Idol even existed. It&#39;s nothing new. I was 21 when I met my husband at a night club (I&#39;m 33 now) we&#39;ve been together for 12 years now. So obviously it worked.
A Yahoo! Contributor
This is the most awesome article on dating I have seen. Thanks. I&#39;m glad it can work, because I have tried the club thing and it is not happening for me! People say I&#39;m too picky but I won&#39;t settle. I am a huge idol fan, but I never thought about dating that way. Thanks for giving singles hope. I have kissed a few frogs; maybe I will find my Prince Charming after all using this method! :)
A Yahoo! Contributor
I know her well and her ideas and suggestions are right on target. My relationship hit a rocky wave.. We forgot to have fun and date in our marriage. We took the sugesstions by Krista and noe our marrige is better than ever now... Thanks Krista
A Yahoo! Contributor
I am new to this dating scene. Thank you for sharing, never thought of it that way.
Terri
I find the 3 steps in finding the right one to be useful....Recruiting, Screening, and Evaluating. In general thinking of what qualities you want in a date/mate is worth taking the time to do. Taking it slow is also worth doing, because when you get involved too quickly you and close yourself to other potential mates. I thought the time frame of 6 months was good. That way you may not end up settling for someone who is good and walking away from someone Great.
A Yahoo! Contributor
I think we&#39;re definatively on the right track!
A Yahoo! Contributor
Your ideas are so empowering for women. Thanks for suggesting it&#39;s ok to move on so quickly. ummm Next ! lol
A Yahoo! Contributor
Dating was fun and easy when I was young. Now I just seem to get the left-overs.
A Yahoo! Contributor
I loved this article. It was writen in a way that can work in real life. I have been nervous about dating more then one person at a time and now I&#39;ve found a way that will work for me. Thanks so much for all the great info and I plan to use it in the future.
No Photo
It&#39;s a good article full of good advice. But be careful girls, the national odds are 95.9 men per 100 women. It used to be 96 in 2001. Those numbers are slipping away. I&#39;m not saying that you should be desperate. But don&#39;t play too hard to get. Men have more choices than women. It&#39;s just math.
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