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Three Simple Dating Rules: Set the Right Expectations to Find Mr./Ms. Right

By Karen Sherman, Ph.D. Updated: Aug 1, 2008
Karen Sherman
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Wouldn't it be great if fairy tales came true? Most of us still want and expect to find our Mr. or Ms. Right. The good news is, finding a partner who is perfect for you is a real-life possibility -- and something you can turn into a probability by resetting your expectations. Remembering three simple rules will help you understand the person you are dating, manage your expectations and prevent ugly surprises.
1. Everything you want to know about a person is there for you to see right from the beginning. By being observant,
“You can realize someone's true nature from the very start”
You can realize someone's true nature from the very start. Let's say the person you are dating throws their jacket on the chair when they come into your apartment. As much as that may annoy you, you must understand that is who they are. They are not going to become a neat freak later on. As a matter of fact, the more relaxed they grow to be, the more likely they are to take liberty in throwing their clothes around -- expect to find scattered socks, shoes, even underwear!
2. You cannot change anybody. Try as you might, you can't change anyone. You can, of course, let the person know you are unhappy with the sloppiness, but you cannot expect him or her to change. What you can change is your reaction to their behavior. By seeing someone for who they are and understanding that you cannot change them, you can recognize early on if someone is an appropriate match.
3. There is an "upside" and a "downside" to every trait. You may realize that even though your Mr. Right is a slob, it doesn't mean that you must cast off your otherwise Prince Charming as a toad. Think about the other side to your potential partner's sloppiness. Maybe his carefree attitude towards the proper place of a coat is indicative of his flexible and relaxed nature -- perhaps a trait that is a nice counterbalance to your tendency to get a bit uptight.
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A Yahoo! Contributor
Someone tosses a jacket on a chair and that makes them a probable slob? How ludicrous.. Maybe they&#39;d be considered a &#39;snoop&#39; if they rummaged through your closet to find a hangar in the event they didn&#39;t see a hook. Lighten up!
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and yet im still single...im not a slob nor lazy...what gives
A Yahoo! Contributor
Your appearence... DUH
A Yahoo! Contributor
i opened this article expecting to actually find something useful. i had hoped in vain.
A Yahoo! Contributor
This is useless.
A Yahoo! Contributor
and so what??? looser who thniks this might help
A Yahoo! Contributor
I had no idea that neatness was the key criterion in a perfect relationship. This is the worst article on the issue in quite some time.
A Yahoo! Contributor
Dr. Sherman is right about one thing ... you can&#39;t change anybody Too many girls have been brought up to mistakenly believe they can mold a man into somebody other than who is intrinsicly really is, and that is flatout wrong. What you see is what you get, so be very careful when selecting a life partner. You have to love him for who he is ... not for what you hope he will become.
A Yahoo! Contributor
It greatly irks me when someone thinks they can give bull [profane] advice just because they have a Ph.d. Next time, give us information that is; a. correct b. usefull c. something you might have actualy done. Thank you, and good night.
A Yahoo! Contributor
Simplistic and trite .
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