Dating Advice: 9 Steps to Flirting Success
Pick-up artist and bestselling author of "The Game" Neil Strauss breaks the guy code and tells you how to become an expert flirt in nine steps
By dating editor Diana Vilibert for Marie Claire
Photo: iStockphoto.com/aldra
Updated: Jun 3, 2009
STEP 1: Learn the Art of Eye ContactDon't shy away from staring him down, but do it the right way. Ease
into it by practicing triangular gazing, where you look at one eye,
then the other, then at his mouth. Strauss says practicing this for
just a day will get you ready to start learning to interact with
single
men you're attracted to. Once you've locked eyes, keep
looking: one study showed that it takes about 13 glances before the
average guy approaches a woman!
More Dating Articles from Marie Claire:STEP 2: Practice Small TalkBefore
you approach a guy you're into, make sure you've got the basics of
small talk down. "Challenge yourself to go out and make small talk with
five strangers today," advises Strauss. "Don't worry about whether
they're people you want to date. Approach grandfathers, other women,
someone who's not your type, whomever you come across. It'll help you adjust to stepping out of your comfort zone."
STEP 3: Perfect Your Body LanguageWant
to get under his skin? "Get just a centimeter into a guy's comfort
zone, and look up at him with big eyes," says Strauss. The no- fail
move? "Put your chest out, chin down, eyes high in the socket, head
slightly tilted, and your weight on one foot. That's important. If your
feet are planted, they feel the resistance, just as much as they would
if you had your arms crossed." Practice makes perfect -- you might look
like a cross-eyed chicken at first, but get it down right and it'll
make him crazy.
STEP 4: Don't Think Before You SpeakDon't
think too long before you open your mouth or it'll come off unnatural
and awkward. "People sense it when something sounds too premeditated;
that makes them uncomfortable," Strauss says.
STEP 5: Ask for HelpWhen
it comes to conversation starters, asking for his help or opinion is a
sure thing, says Strauss. "Maybe it's some article from a women's
magazine that offers some kind of advice and you want to know if he
agrees with it or not. Or maybe: 'It's my cousin's birthday and I want
to buy him a CD, but his taste hasn't evolved since the 80's. Any
suggestions?' Or maybe your friend just got a three-legged cat and you
need a name for it."
STEP 6: Set a Time LimitWithin
the first 60 seconds of your conversation, Strauss says, immediately
mention that you have some kind of time constraint, whether or not you
do.
STEP 7: Neg HimThe
trick when you're flirting, Strauss says, is "figuring how to keep a
balance between being engaging enough to retain someone's attention and
not seeming overly available." Tease him a little and call him out by
saying something like, "Oh sure you do..."
STEP 8: Lower Your ExpectationsFlirt
for the sake of flirting. "If you meet a high-quality guy and you're
really attached to the idea of him being your boyfriend, that pressure
-- that neediness -- is something he'll sense," Strauss
warns.
STEP 9: Make It Fun -- for YouMake
it about you, not about him. "If it seems like you're trying too hard,
whatever you're doing will come across as desperate," Strauss says. His
advice? "Think: 'I'm fun. I'm cool. I radiate charisma, I am free to do
whatever I want.' The most important thing to remember while you're
doing all this flirting is to make it fun for yourself, because then it
will be fun for the other person."
Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.More Marie Claire:Most Popular Dating Articles: