Sherry -- This is always a tough dilemma. Letting him "sow his oats" could either drive him away for good or make him realize what he's missing with you. The challenge is, you won't know the answer until he gives it a shot.

Rather than leaving it to chance, I always prefer controlling your own destiny. That means getting him to be honest. I'd recommend saying something like, "Look, we both know we have something special here. We also know that if you date other people it will change our dynamic forever. I need you to think long and hard about whether this need to pull away has to do with work and kids stress or a real desire to see other people. If it's about work/family issues, then we can work through this together and find a good balance. But if you're instead feeling there might be something better out there romantically for you, then I can't stop you. I can only say you need to make that decision with a clear head, understanding that our relationship as it stands today may not exist when the fun and games grow tiresome."

Okay, Sherry! Let's do some serious troubleshooting.

1. Examine the SYMPTOMS:

2. Find the ROOT CAUSE: You reacted to Brian's invitation for commitment by giving him your entire heart, which means a relationship, which means fun! However, it also means accountability and responsibility, which is too similar to a marriage. He just got out of one! Right now, Brian wants the fun, carefree aspect of your relationship but is not ready for the responsibility. By seeing other people, he is simply searching for a less-demanding, less-FON environment. He wants you to be fun, the way you were when you first met.

3. Apply the RESOLUTION: Go to the softball-saturated Lou Berliner Park right near you in Columbus, Ohio. Scoop up some dirt with one hand. Squeeze your hand shut. What happens to that dust? It quickly slides out between your fingers with the focused determination of a batter sliding into home base. Now, scoop up the dirt again, this time leave your hand open and notice the mound of dirt that stays right there in the palm of your hand. That's how you need to treat Brian - open-handed...loose.

Develop a hobby that you do alone, or with your children, and/or with other adults. When you next chat with Brian, regale him with lighthearted stories about how much you enjoyed your hobby with others. Let him set the pace of how much time to spend together. Let him miss you.

Sherry -- It is impossible to fully commit to a relationship when you have doubts. It sounds like Brian jumped into a serious relationship with you a bit too soon, having not dated anyone else after his divorce. Better to let him have some space to make sure he can commit to you with no regrets.

This would mean the "rules" of your current relationship would change. You would also have the space to date other people. Since you do love each other and have admitted that you want to be with each other, dating other people might cause some problems down the road if you don't set boundaries you can both live with. Examples of boundaries: not telling each other the details of your dating life, taking three to six months off and not seeing each other while you date others, going to dinner once a week to keep in touch, not having sex with each other while you date others, or not having sex with others while you date. Whatever works for the two of you.

Since he's the one who wants to date others, you will need to move forward in your life, setting your own goals and going after the life you want so that you aren't sitting around waiting for him to finish his dating stage. The goal is that neither of you build resentment towards the other. Otherwise, a long-term relationship will not work.

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