Shelby -- You're not a freak. Lots of people have this problem. Have you had someone review your online profile? Maybe it doesn't really let people know who you are. Going to a dance and sitting on the sidelines waiting for someone to ask you is a losing proposition for anyone.

Get your great personality front and center, where guys can see it. Go to small group activities, where you can actually talk to people. If you are at a big event, learn how to approach a guy and say, "Hi. How are you tonight?" Compliment something he's wearing, like "That's an interesting watch." And when he says "thank you," ask a question about it. "Why did you choose that one?" Saying pleasant things, followed by simple questions, gets the conversation going.

Yikes, Shelby, don't be so tough on yourself. For openers, you do have a great personality and a keen sense of humor.

"Singles functions," such as dances, are difficult places for women to meet men because the ratios are often three, four or five to one -- women to men. So, I'd stop focusing on "singles functions" and "the places you're told to go to meet someone special."

Instead, identify your hobbies and interests, and join clubs or groups that focus on them. For example, if you like hiking, join the Sierra Club. If you like sailing, join a sailing club. At least when you meet others at these places, they will have interests similar to yours. Expand your horizons. Attend lectures and classes on topics you've always wanted to learn about. Get involved in new projects where you'll meet new people.

By doing so, you'll take the focus off trying to meet a mate, which might be making you appear desperate, and put your focus on enriching your life and making yourself a better person. Stop trying to "make" someone want you. Relax, have fun, be confident. Your life has not wasted away because there isn't a man in it. There are a lot of women and men without mates, who live wonderful lives.

Remember, it only takes one. And if you are out and about and having a good time -- and not expecting to meet someone -- that's when it happens, when people least expect it.

Shelby -- You are absolutely correct that going to places hoping to "meet" someone does not seem to work. This is especially true as one leaves their 20s and 30s. The bar and dance scene is primarily one of younger folks, not mature professionals. As people get older there are three ways to meet people of the opposite sex: through mutual friends, at work and online.

It sounds like the mutual friend approach has not worked for you, and there are inherent problems with work encounters, so how about online? Now before you rule it out, let me assure you that I know dozens of couples who have met successfully.

While you lament that you are "not a size 0," let me assure you that few folks your age are. What is so much more important is you: your interests, your hobbies and passions that make you an interesting person. And since relationships are based on friendship, these skills are especially important. As I often tell clients, if you want great friendships, work on being a better friend.

So give it a try and meet a few "friends" online. You never know when you'll stumble onto something real.

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