Divorce Has Dates Slamming the Brakes
Women say they don't want to be the "rebound" relationship
By Male Call
MercuryNews.com
Updated: May 22, 2009
Question: I've been divorced a few months and am starting to date again. But a strange thing has happened a couple of times already. The women bail out when I tell them I'm recently divorced. They don't want to be the "rebound" relationship, they say, or they question if I'm "ready for a relationship" so soon. Do women have some unspoken rule of thumb about when it's OK to date a divorced guy?
Answer: We've heard that six to nine months after a divorce is a healthy time to wait before starting to date again. But women look for other signs that might indicate whether you're "ready" or not.
Still wearing your wedding band might be one hint that you haven't completely processed the news.
Still wearing your wedding band might be one hint that you haven't completely processed the news. Bitter recriminations about what a heartless witch your ex is also might give some women reason to apply the brakes.
If you do harbor such recriminations, best to work through them with a qualified therapist, or at least your favorite bartender, rather than during your first few romantic dates. (Oh, and remember not to call her by your ex's name. That apparently is another sign they watch for.)
But let's say you really have moved on. You've even melted down your wedding band and had it fashioned into a gold cap for your left upper incisor. (And as far as we're concerned, nothing screams outstanding mental health like a shiny new grill!) So your head's in a good place and you're ready to look forward, but your dates still balk at the relative newness of your singlehood. One point to make is that the date of the divorce is not the magical starting point of your effort to "process" the ramifications of the split. You've likely had months, possibly even years, to process the hell out of it. So one could look at the divorce date as the END of the processing, not the beginning of it.
Feel free to use that one.
And as for their fears of being the "rebound" relationship, did they ever stop to think that someone has to be the rebound? That sometimes we have to put aside personal desires in order to do something for the greater good, for the advancement of humankind and, ultimately, for the continued propagation of the species? That's why they should date you.
If you use that one, don't say where you heard it. Thanks.
Question: We were curious to hear what you all thought of the recent study that said that, contrary to conventional wisdom,
women don't talk more than men, that they actually are pretty equal
women don't talk more than men, that they actually are pretty equal. My girlfriends and I were talking about it during our book club, and then later over drinks, and we all had the same feeling, that finally that old myth about women talking too much and men being naturally more silent could be put to rest, because a lot of times it's so not true and really is just a stereotype that is demeaning to women. Do you think the findings of that study were valid?
Answer: No.
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