Dating Guide: 40 Things You Can Learn About a Guy in 10 Minutes
If you're curious about the new dude in your life but know better than to grill him with 20 questions, you're gonna love our sneaky read-him tips.
By Stephanie Booth for Cosmopolitan Photo: iStockphoto.com/©Anna Bryukhanova Updated: May 22, 2009
RATING THIS ARTICLE
You
don't have to date a guy for six months to get the lowdown on who he
really is. With the right clues, you can size him up
in 10 minutes. "A man's actions -- especially the ones you see
in unguarded moments when he's not going out of his way to try to
impress you (or doesn't realize you're watching) -- can speak volumes
about his character and personality traits," says Rita
Benasutti, PhD, a psychotherapist who specializes in couples' issues.
To help you decode a guy you've just started seeing, Cosmo called on a
team of experts to tell you how to assess his actions and tap into his boyfriend potential, pronto.
More Dating Articles from Cosmopolitan:His Favorite Sport"Solo
sportsmen, like runners and swimmers,
1 savor their independence and relish
spending a lot of time alone," says relationship-skills coach Steve Nakamoto,
author of "Men Are Like Fish: What Every Woman Needs to Know About
Catching a Man." Men who are fans of mainstream team sports, like
football, basketball, and baseball,
2 tend to be competitive -- on the
field and in all aspects of their life -- and they like to hang with
their entourage. As for the guy who's just not into sports at
all, 3 "he's an independent thinker,
usually on the sensitive side."
How Long He's Been Hanging With His FriendsA
guy who has been friends with the same posse since he was 10 years old
can certainly claim 4 loyalty as one
of his strong suits. But "you better like what you see,
because he's probably not great with change," says dating coach Liz H.
Kelly, author of "Smart Man Hunting." "And be patient, because it will
take a while for you to win his trust." If your date has
buddies from all areas of his life -- i.e., college, the gym, work --
don't be afraid to drag him to your cousin's wedding. 5 "He has no problem schmoozing strangers and adapts to new situations easily."
Credit vs. CashA
guy who likes to flash his plastic 6
craves status. "He may be ambitious and confident. He'll reach his
financial goals," says Rob Ronin, PsyD, a licensed clinical
psychologist and registered financial consultant. "If he always pays in
cash, 7 he's self-sufficient and
independent," which might make him a difficult dude to corner.
And if his wallet is dry? 8 Here's a
guy who's dependent on others to take care of him.
His Bad HabitsGambling
men 9 are risk-takers, which can make
them a lot of fun. "But their over-the-top optimism that they'll come
out ahead makes it difficult for them to face reality," says
Mitchell Parks, MD, assistant professor of psychiatry at Vanderbilt
University, in Nashville. "Hard-core smokers
10 tend to be anxious," says
Dr. Parks, so it can be hard to pin them down for couple-time. And if
he's a boozer, 11 he could be hiding
his insecurity behind his buzz.
His Communication StyleWhen
your date opts to email you -- rather than call --
12 he could be a hard nut to crack.
"The fact that he chooses a communication method that allows
him to edit what he says signals that he might not want to show his
true self," says Jeff Bryson, PhD, professor of psychology at San Diego
State University. An IM addict 13
craves your nonstop attention and needs that instant assurance that
you're there for him. And the phone fan?
14 He might be a little old-fashioned and likes to do things by the book. But, according to Bryson, "he's not afraid of intimacy."
The Clothes You Wear That He PrefersIf
your fave T-shirt and jeans or a cute little sundress do more for him
than your slinky black number, 15
you're dating an earthy, laid-back guy who likes equally
laid-back, low-maintenance chicks. A man who's wowed by a woman who
likes to get dolled up in high-end designer duds
16 places a high priority on
prestige. "He'll probably make a lot of money, but it also might play
too important a role in his life," says Los Angeles clinical
psychologist Nancy Irwin, PsyD. And a guy who wants a Carmen
Electra-sensual girl on his arm 17 is
looking for an ego boost. "He places a lot of value on being admired
and envied."
How He Deals With TrafficIf
he constantly weaves in and out of cars, tailgates slowpokes, and glares at other drivers, 18 "it's
pretty clear that he has a problem with aggression," says Leon
James, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Hawaii and
author of "Road Rage and Aggressive Driving." While a forceful
personality might take him far in the workplace, it could be
difficult to deal with this argumentative guy in a relationship. If
he's able to exude Zen-like calm when stuck in gridlock, 19 "he's likely to have more self-control."
What He Orders in a RestaurantA
meat-and-potatoes-type guy 20 is
usually steady and dependable, says image coach Dianne Daniels, author
of "Polish and Presence: 31 Days to a New Image." "But he's
also a little unadventurous." If your date goes for exotic dishes,
21 "you're with someone who makes
spontaneity a priority and could easily get bored with the status quo."
Neat Freak or Messy ManA
guy who puts his dirty socks in the hamper is one thing; a guy who
color-codes them in his drawer is something else.
22 "This man is way too fastidious
to have fun," explains Daniels, "and he'll expect you to be just as
neat." A mildly messy man 23 is looser
and more open-minded. But if the inside of his shower has
never seen a scrub brush, 24 he may be
immature or just plain lazy.
Favorite TV ShowsTake
note if he parks himself in front of one sitcom after another.
25 "Here's a guy who uses humor to
defuse stress," says TV producer Hedda Muskat, author of
"Dating Confidential: A Single's Guide to a Fun, Flirtatious and
Possibly Meaningful Social Life." This can be a good thing, because he
won't hold a grudge against you or lose his cool. But it also
might be hard to get into a serious conversation with him, which can be
frustrating. "The more you try to discuss something important, the more
evasive he will become," says Muskat. A couch sleuth who's
fascinated by CSI-type shows, on the other hand,
26 is analytical and thoughtful. "He
prides himself on his problem-solving abilities and will be there for you when you need support," says Muskat.
His Birth Order"The
oldest child 27 is usually a
responsible, take-charge kind of guy," says Nancy Fagan, author of
"Desirable Men." If your babe is the baby of his brood,
28 "he's likely to be creative and a
little rebellious." As for a middle man:
29 "He's a sensitive soul who needs
loads of attention."
How He Approaches PDAsWhen
you're out in public and he's all over you like a rash,
30 "he's either trying to show you off
or marking his territory, both of which are signs of
insecurity," says Nakamoto. A guy who's allergic to body contact in
public is 31 unsure about his feelings
for you or your feelings for him. "PDAs are statements of togetherness," says Nakamoto. "If he has doubts, he'll keep his distance physically."
Whether He Always Drives or Wants You To"A
guy who doesn't automatically assume driving rights
32 is likely to let you steer the
relationship at least some of the time," says Kelly. A man who
hogs the wheel -- even in your car --
33 is sweetly old-fashioned at best
and, at worst, could be a control freak.
The Guy's Grooming MOA
guy who checks out his reflection in every store window you pass is
obviously vain. But, interestingly, 34
it's also a sign of a dude who's intent on succeeding.
"Presentation is everything to this kind of man," says Sheenah Hankin,
PhD, author of "Complete Confidence." "He sees it as a measure of his
self-respect and success." 35
The low-key, less conceited guy might be less ambitious, "but he's
easier to connect with emotionally because he's not as superficial,"
says Hankin. "What counts on the inside matters more to him."
If He Looks You in the Eye"A
man who doesn't make eye contact during conversation
36 may not be trustworthy," says
speech coach Diane DiResta, author of "Knockout Presentations."
"Meanwhile, if his eyes bore into yours as he's talking,
37 he might be trying to intimidate
you." But a smoldering gaze -- you know what that looks like -- 38 means he's immensely fond of you.
His Speaking StyleIf
your man moves his mouth a mile a minute,
39 you're with a spontaneous,
high-energy guy who may be a little too self-absorbed. "Fast talkers
get so wrapped up in making a good impression that they don't
pay attention to their audience," says DiResta. Slow talkers
40 typically play it safe. "The way
they deliberate every word before it comes out of their mouth
is indicative of how they approach life: They look before they leap."
So although you shouldn't expect a lot of surprises, at least you'll know he means what he says.
Things You'll Only Learn With TimeYour
speedy profiling skills won't reveal these tidbits from psychotherapist
Katherine Woodward Thomas, author of "Calling in 'The
One'."
How loyal he'll
be: Wait and see if you're shown the same allegiance
as his buds are.
If
he's a man of his word: Will he really keep those
promises he made to you early on?
His
little quirks: Time reveals the small details that
really make a person tick.
If
his parents' split haunts him: His broken home may
have issued him some big-time emotional baggage.
Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.
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