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Dating 101: How to Meet Men

Seven ways to beat dating doldrums during the winter

By Dating blogger Ilana Arazie Updated: May 22, 2009
Dating blogger Ilana Donna Arazie
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Izora Rhodes Armstead wasn't dreaming when she sang "It's Raining Men" in the 1980s. Decades later, we strut to better hair and a sequel -- this winter, it just might be "snowing men" instead. But how do we get through the forecast of chilly dating prospects? My favorite relationship expert, Jen Macaluso, owner of Something Different for Women, LLC, shares seven practical tips to stoke the romantic fire this winter:
1. Believe It's Possible.
Meeting and catching your net-gain of men this winter is as easy as ice fishing on Lake Champlain, but every first move begins with you. So take a temperature reading of your affirm-o-meter before embarking on that wintry date adventure: all happy and smiles? Warm. Brimming with cockeyed optimism? Warmer. Ready to give a savory word or gesture? Warmer. Good hair day, all the way? Hot! Tell yourself, "Men everywhere," and get on the city sidewalks.
“It will only happen if you believe it will.”
It will only happen if you believe it will.
2. What's Love Got to Do With It? (Answer: Everything)
Do what you love. Be creative, find the fun you love, and make it (the fun, not the men!) the mission. Guys will catch the vibe and passion you have soon enough. Do you love to ski during the winter months? Road trip it with your girlfriends to your favorite ski lodge. Do you prefer to hole up as a homebody instead? Then create a weekly "stock the pond" party with your 10 favorite girlfriends -- making BYOB (bring your own boy) the lone price of admission. Just think: You can meet 10 new guys every Friday night without leaving your living room. That rate of return would blow the hair right off the Donald.
3. Speak Up.
Contrary to Hollywood opinion, men don't have a sixth sense. Most can't read the thoughts of the living, much less ghosts. So don't hold them to unrealistic expectations during the ritual of romantic play. (Remember: Most men are bashful and need a good amount of reassurance before they make a move.)
Instead, flash a smile, take the initiative, and strike up a conversation. And if he still can't read your interest? Go Sadie Hawkins on him and narrate the line: "You know, I've really enjoyed talking to you and I'd love for you to take me out some time. Can I give you my number?" Life's too short to keep yourself, and him, captive to the fairy webs of Brangelina, Tom, and Katie. Just speak it, sista!
4. Detach From the Outcome.
Know your end goal (such as "I'd like to have a boyfriend within the next six months") but leave your obsessions with it at the door. When you are out and about, be present, take risks, and stay in the moment. Obsessing with the right strategies to dating bliss only slows the journey. So assume the "already, but not yet" posture. If you're having fun with a Friday night date, you're already there -- a second, a third date might come next. Wedding bells? Maybe not yet. But learning to fixate on the moment itself will get you on the mad ride to the finish line.
5. Hang With Happy Couples.
Yes. You read that right. You don't always need to wallow in chocolate binge fests with other pity-partiers from the traveling singlehood. You, and other singles, have likely crisscrossed that solo terrain long enough. So learn about the journey of romance with new tour guides -- couples! (You might also meet more singles through your channels of couples or married friends, and experience secondhand rhythms of real relationships in action.)
Call up the happy couples you know this winter and beg them for some face time. Comb their interactions -- lovey-dovies, oopsie daisies and all -- make them dish on their relationship pros and cons, and ask lots of questions. Finally, don't call it a stroll until you get the 411 on other singles they might know -- from their office, church, or neighborhood. Make the six degrees work for you.
6. Release Expectations.
Don't let your quest for Mr. Right hamper your "now" this winter.
Stay open to each moment and adventure, and hang your compulsions for bucolic settings and bliss above the fireplace mantel. Live large. And be lucky to be humored and flattered in the companies of men; you just might learn a thing or two.
But remember: The relationship you seek only requires an audience of one. It takes just one lucky guy.
7. Brainstorm
Get your "type A" on with your single girlfriends and share in a "list party." Start making them, lots of them -- short and long, on plain and colored, with fountain pen or marker -- of all the fun ways to meet single men this winter. Then, pull out your BlackBerries, and text away!
Here's a creative grab bag to dip into:
  • Take a ski trip and visit your fave bunny slope AND ski instructor.
  • Unleash the rock star in you and your guy at a Guitar Hero play-a-thon.
  • Potluck it, Rachael Ray-style, with a tray of 30-minute meals for your friends (never underestimate the happy moods of a well-fed man).
  • Send out RSVPs for a Super Bowl party and host the ultimate indoor tailgate!
  • Attend an art gallery opening and play muse to the male artists.
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