Create Your
When you hit on something you both love, you will
instantly become more bonded.
Dating 101: Eight Steps to Entice a Shy Guy
By Dating expert Diana Kirschner, Ph.D.
Special to Yahoo! Personals
Updated: May 22, 2009
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It's
enough to drive you crazy. There is this cutie -- a
Brad Pitt look-alike -- you met while dating online. He is
to-die-for and seems to be friendly but has very few words to share.
And he never seems to put any moves on you. Yet you have such a thing
for him! You keep checking his profile, wondering what is up. What's a
girl to do?
Well, here are eight dating
tips designed to bring that shy cutie out of his shell -- and into your
life:
- See him when he is in his element. If he plays sports, go watch. Be there as he finishes a marathon. If he is giving a talk, try to arrange to be in the audience. When a shy guy is in his element, he will be at the height of his charisma and self-confidence. Bottom line: he will be feeling empowered and desirable. And this means he will feel free to make a move on you if he is really interested.
- Compliment him. Notice something about him or what he is doing that you really like and praise it with a specific and sincere compliment, such as, "That blog you wrote about going to Sicily was hysterically funny and made me want to go!" This builds his self-esteem and will get him to share more about the topic. And it may even get him to show off a bit for you.
- Say his name a lot; give him a nickname. This indicates that you are noticing him and that he is important to you. He will bond more quickly with you when you use his name. Also, choose a complimentary nickname based on one of his qualities that you admire. For example, if he is into cycling, call him "Lance A." This will get him to laugh and open up with you about his cycling experiences.
- Ask open-ended questions. Good examples are: "How did you get interested in (your job)?" "What brought you to live in the city?" "How do you manage to train for a triathlon when you work full-time?" These kinds of questions help him to share about himself. And this will allow him to feel known and be comfortable being real with you.
- Ask for help with something. Single men love to help women. They are biologically wired that way! Ask him to fix your computer, your car, your bike, your door -- you name it. He will enjoy coming through for you and feel much more connected to you. Ask him questions about what he is doing, to get him talking more. When he is in the "helper" role he is much more likely to share his thoughts with you.
- Ask what he likes
to eat or what sports, hobbies, or movies he likes.
Once you find something in common, ask him if he'd like to do it
sometime. Shy guys, even if they are gorgeous, to-die-for specimens,
can be very interested in you but petrified to make the first move. It
is easy to open the door to a common interest by asking about food,
hobbies, or other fun activities. When you hit on something you both love, you will instantly become more bonded. Then it is easy to make the first move and suggest doing the activity together. This is a good litmus test that will show if he is interested or not. When you are opening the door that much, if he does not respond and make the date, chances are he is not into you.When you hit on something you both love, you will
instantly become more bonded.
- When leaving, say you'd like to see him again. This is an easy, non-threatening way to show that you are interested in him. If he responds positively by smiling, nodding, or saying yes, he may be feeling some attraction to you. At that point, make sure he has your contact information!
- Give him a mini-massage. Making physical contact actually releases oxytocin, the bonding hormone! So he may feel closer and start responding to you immediately. A mini-massage also relaxes him so that he is less uptight and fearful. In addition, physical contact often opens the door to him making an affectionate gesture towards you later on -- holding your hand, putting his arm around you, or kissing you.
Here's
the bottom line: With a shy guy, you have to be more available and
flirty, take the lead more often, and maybe even give him the first
kiss. Keep in mind, however, that he needs to be responding very
positively to each of your moves. If he doesn't, end the relationship,
because you don't want to be stuck in a fantasy where you are crazy
about someone who is truly not into you. Remember, if this cutie does
not work out, there are plenty of other guys. Just jump right back
online!
More Dating Tips:- Dating 101: Are Bad Dating Habits Keeping You Single?
- Six Dating Behaviors That Scare Single Men Away
- Dating Challenge: Overcoming Jealousy
- Dating 101: How to Tell if a Guy Is Cheating
- Debunking the Dating Scarcity Myth
- What's Behind the Trend of Women Dating Younger Men?
