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Dating Etiquette: How to Navigate the First Date

Follow these modern-chivalry dating tips to give her a gentlemen's impression she'll never forget

By Esquire Illustration: Ross MacDonald Updated: May 22, 2009

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The first date can be a disaster if you do it wrong. From the predate to the follow-up, keep in mind this six-step dating guide on how to do it right.

1. The Predate

Dress for the occasion, but more important, dress to show respect. Reminder: It's still better to overdress.
Easy on the cologne. Avoid novelty ties. Arm yourself with the tools of modern chivalry.

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2. The Pickup

Be on time.
Go to the door.
Do not bring flowers -- it's outdated. You may, however, bring a small, thoughtful gift that you did not purchase from Wicks 'n' Sticks or B. Dalton Bookseller.

3. The Drive

If you're taking a cab, you should open the door for her, give the directions, and pay.
While amusing, avoid that bit where you go and then stop and pretend to drive away without her.
No music -- try talking.
If you find the ensuing silence unbearable, you may put on music, but avoid the following: a) talk radio; b) anything in which R. Kelly describes something overtly about intimacy; c) playlists consisting entirely of songs that feature her name.

4. The Restaurant

Open the door for her. In case of revolving doors, you go first.
Wait until she's seated to take your seat. At fancier joints, it's the waiter's job to help her with her chair, not yours.
Never order for her. And never present a coupon to the waiter while saying, "And the lady will have something of equal or lesser value."
Sharing food: If she suggests it, you're doing it.
Pay. If she offers to help, say something sincere like, "It's my pleasure," not something you think is witty, like, "I'll consider this a down payment for later, if you know what I mean!"

5. The Walk

Walk at her pace.
Tradition dictates that you should walk on the outside of her to avoid puddle splashes and runaway carriages, but feel free to disregard this unless your date takes place in Colonial Williamsburg (not advised).
Offer her your arm. It's chivalrous and also a good way to initiate contact.
Be a man. Make your move. May God be with you.
You're not going inside. Unless she suggests it.

6. Following Up

No texting. Call the next day. Two days, tops.
If she answers the phone, thank her for a great night and schedule a second date.
If you get voice mail, thank her and ask her to call you back.
If she answers the phone "Sam's Pizza" and pretends you've got the wrong number, all bets are off.

Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.

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