Dating 101: How to Reach Soul-Mate Status With Any Man
Experts say that to truly connect with a guy, you need to suss out his personality type. Read on for ways to spot, snag, and sync up with the four most common kinds of dudes.
By Laura Gilbert for Cosmopolitan Photo: iStockphoto.com/Yuri Arcurs Updated: May 22, 2009
RATING THIS ARTICLE
Finally,
those brainiacs in the scientific world have hit on something really
earth-shattering (and we don't mean global warming).
We're talking about personality typing. "Almost every man falls into
one of four categories," says Paul Dobransky, MD, author of "The
Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love." Reasons for the
differences range from hormones to psychology, and knowing the types
gives insight into a guy's dating MO.
We
had Dr. Dobransky, founder of kwml.com, and anthropologist Helen
Fisher, PhD, chief scientific adviser for a new online dating site,
break down each type. Use this info to analyze guys, have more fun with
yours, and even reach soul-mate status.
More Dating Articles from Cosmopolitan:
THE ROCKSPOT HIM
Typical
interests: Organized groups (like a running club),
gadgets, nonfiction books
When he's stressed, he analyzes the situation and makes lists and plans.
He lights up if you say: "I could really use your advice on something.
HE'S RIGHT FOR YOU IF...
You
want your boyfriend to be a supportive, steadfast partner who shares
your sensible approach to life and is smart enough to get your
sometimes quirky side without judging.
You're
turned on by witty, intelligent conversation and gifts that show the
affection he's not so great at verbalizing.
You
deal with problems by talking about them rationally. This guy's always
game for reasoned debates, but drama queens will lose big -- emotional
outbursts freak him out.
SYNCING UP
His
favorite dates: He feels most energized when he's
engaging his mind, so try watching a documentary, seeing an interesting
exhibit, or taking a class, such as sushi making.
Relationship
requirements: This dedicated dude gets totally
absorbed in his interests. If you don't even ask about them ("How was
Shark Week?"), he'll feel like you don't get him. He's also tuned in to
etiquette, so gaffes (like bailing on plans) turn him off.
What
he seeks in a soul mate: To really trust you, he has
to know that you respect his cerebral nature. Help coax out his playful
side with plans he'd never make on his own and he'll see you as the
total package.
THE DOERSPOT HIM
Typical
interests: Sports (playing and watching), barbecuing,
building things
When he's stressed, he
dives in and deals with the cause, whether it means extra hours at work
or a showdown.
He lights up if you say: "Is there anything you can't make happen?"
HE'S RIGHT FOR YOU IF...
You
want your boyfriend to be the classic male archetype -- a protective,
take-charge dude who doesn't yap about his feelings but lets his guard
down when alone with you.
You're turned
on by grand gestures, like spontaneous PDAs, and manly deeds, like
changing your car's oil.
You deal with
problems directly without any passive-aggressive BS. He's quick to
confront conflict. If you are too, your issues will disappear once you
hash them out.
SYNCING UP
His
favorite dates: His heart beats faster (figuratively
and literally) when he's active, so suggest a hike in the woods or a
boxing class followed by drinks.
Relationship
requirements: This on-the-go guy needs solo time to
recharge and will feel smothered if you are clingy. You'll need a thick
skin, because he doesn't sugarcoat things...ever.
What
he seeks in a soul mate: His he-man side needs you to
appreciate his efforts to lead. But under his strong, silent exterior,
he's a superloyal softie. He feels complete when you can talk about the
feelings that he internalizes.
THE THRILL CHASERSPOT HIM
Typical
interests: Outdoor activities (like camping and
skiing), foreign travel, parties and crowds
When
he's stressed, he distracts himself with something amusing, like
watching the game or organizing a social outing.
He
lights up if you say: "Oh, you have a fascinating
story about that -- c'mon, tell everyone."
HE'S RIGHT FOR YOU IF...
You
want your boyfriend to be a whirlwind of personality who can liven
things up, make you laugh, get you out of your head, and keep you
guessing...in a good way.
You're turned on by unpredictable, exciting plans.
You
deal with problems in a casual, nonconfrontational way. Mr. Conflict
Avoidance hates when you're unhappy with him and will deflect attention
unless you tackle the issue.
SYNCING UP
His
favorite dates: This class clown loves being around
new people -- think karaoke night or a charity casino event. He's also
thrilled by new accomplishments, like scaling a rock wall at the
gym.
Relationship
requirements: He needs a laissez-faire chick who won't
try to rein in his inner wild child. He is willing to share the
spotlight, just not all of it.
What
he seeks in a soul mate: The ultimate people person
bonds best with an ever-evolving woman who can match his lust for new
experiences. He craves independence yet still needs to know he's
important to you, so being secure enough to show you care is a
must.
THE SWEETHEARTSPOT HIM
Typical
interests: Music, cooking dinner for friends, reading
literature
When he's stressed, he talks about it with confidants until he finds a solution.
He
lights up if you say: "I never would have noticed
that. You're so observant!"
HE'S RIGHT FOR YOU IF...
You
want your boyfriend to be a guy who truly listens, understands your
girlie side, and can talk about feelings.
You're turned on by sweet, movie-worthy romance, like slow kisses and crazy-great compliments.
You
deal with problems by honestly addressing them and taking emotions into
consideration. He's a philosopher at heart, and even if you two don't
agree in the end, you'll learn tons about each other during your
in-depth discussions.
SYNCING UP
His
favorite dates: Atmosphere matters to this sensualist,
so find a spot with a romantic vibe (try a botanical garden or outdoor
jazz concert) for the real highlight: your ever-intensifying one-on-one
bond.
Relationship
requirements: This nurturer tries to know everyone he
meets on a deeper level, which can be rough if you're the jealous type.
Also, he's so into connecting that he'll feel dissed if you don't share
your problems.
What he
seeks in a soul mate: This idealist falls when he
knows you value communication too. Because he tends to ruminate, you'll
enhance his life by being decisive yourself.
Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.More Dating Articles from Cosmopolitan:- How to Tell if a Guy is Cheating
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- Debunking the Dating Scarcity Myth
- What's Behind the Trend of Women Dating Younger Men?

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