Create Your
"Is it wrong to be alone if a person chooses to be that way?"
By Steve Dick and Lynelle Miller
Updated: Jun 22, 2008
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Dear Steve and Lynelle, I'm a 44-year-old man from Illinois, and I have been working at the same job, which I love, for almost 12 years now. Is it wrong to be alone if a person chooses to be that way? The reason I ask is because I see on TV ads for a Web site devoted to matching individuals through personality profiles, and all the main Web sites say that everyone should be involved in a relationship.
Lynelle answers: More power to you. If you are happy living alone and being single, that's your prerogative. Most people don't feel this way, and that's why dating Web sites are so popular.
The web sites are obviously going to tell people they need someone, because it makes more people sign up for their services. In that sense, it's about the money. Those sites are for profit, and you have to keep that in mind when you feel "pressure" from them.
Although it sounds like your mind is made up to be single, I wouldn't rule out the possibility. While I'm not suggesting you go out and search for someone, I think
you should at least be open to the idea if someone you fancy comes along
you should at least be open to the idea if someone you fancy comes along. You never know. While you may be happy now, you could feel differently later, and I think you would possibly regret missing out on an opportunity because you are so set on being single.
you should at least be open to the idea if someone you fancy comes along I think there are more people who feel the way you do these days. One of my favorite comedians, Christian Finnegan, has a great quote in one of his acts, which goes something like this: "Relationships are like rummage sales. They look good from 100 feet away, but once you are there, you realize it's just a bunch of crap you don't need." I don't totally agree with this theory, but I think it has merit.
My advice is to just do your own thing. Keep avoiding the "crap" and don't feel pressure to date or be in a relationship if you don't want to. BUT be open to the possibility. You never know who may come along!
I know I have said this time and time again, but if you ever do decide to get back in the dating scene, church is a wonderful place to meet a good woman. So, it won't hurt to keep your eyes open once and awhile during prayer. Just make sure you still pay attention to God!
Steve answers: Keeping in the comic mode, Woody Allen told a joke about a man going to a psychiatrist and confessing that his brother thinks he's a chicken. "Well, have him put away for observation," the doctor said. "We can't," the man said, "we need the eggs." Allen went on to say that relationships are painful, irrational and stupid, but, in the end, we all need the eggs.
The hardest part of a relationship is getting started. When you meet a woman who is attractive to you, she may or may not feel the same way. If you do start dating, you might find she comes with enough baggage to make a 747 groan. If this happens too many times, you may decide not to bother. But it doesn't look like you've ever tried. I guess I wonder why.
It was easy to win your bet; all you had to do was sit at home and let the time pass. If living alone feels "pretty darn good," why would you bother seeking advice? I'm guessing that ads for those web sites put a little longing in you.
People eventually choose to be with someone, to love and share their lives with.
It's nice to have someone around during trying times
It's nice to have someone around during trying times. On the other hand, if it's a bad relationship, nothing is worse. There seems to be some fear in you that anyone you find will dish out the "crap" Lynelle talks about. That's possible, but then again you might get lucky.
It's nice to have someone around during trying times No woman is going to sweep you off your feet, regardless of what your boss says. You have to take an active role and be prepared to do some sweeping of your own.
I think you're selling yourself short. Get back in the game and see what unfolds. Just because you date a woman doesn't mean you have to marry her. Have a good time and, if you find the two of you getting serious, well, write us again.
I'd have to disagree with Lynelle's comedian. I've never seen a rummage sale, near or far, I've wanted to stop at. However, if you pass a sale and see a woman who attracts you, you might want to pull over and check her out.
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