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Dropping Pounds Along With an Ex

Our dating analyst reveals the most effective weight loss strategy in the history of the world

By Julia Allison
Dating Columnist, Time Out New York
Updated: Aug 2, 2008
Julia Allison
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The truth is, I haven't been to the gym in over six months; my membership got cancelled in August, along with The (Ex) Boyfriend. And yet the number on the scale today is finally -- FINALLY -- the same as it was when I first moved to New York a little over two years ago. What happened?
Only the most effective weight loss strategy in the history of the world: the Breakup Diet.
My Breakup Diet consisted mainly of negatives: I was no longer eating out six nights a week, no longer having appetizers, entrees and desserts, no longer downing two glasses of wine with dinner, then chasing that with a cappuccino, no longer lingering over long brunches involving bagels, lox and all of the cream cheese in the entire state of Wisconsin.
Thanks to all this (and, okay, a small stint in the hospital conveniently during Thanksgiving),
“I've managed to shed the 15 pounds I gained with the Ex gastronomist.”
I've managed to shed the 15 pounds I gained with the Ex gastronomist.
Letting yourself go
Apparently, I'm not the only one whose weight fluctuates when getting in or getting out of a relationship. Katherine, 22, an editorial assistant, says that her last romance "started with me being fit and in shape (and quite confident) and ended with me being terribly unhappy because my body looked completely different." She and her then-boyfriend made a habit of scarfing down Chinese food, pizza and candy. "We had reached a comfort zone," she explains, and "there was no one to impress."
After what she describes as a "bitter" breakup, they turned things around. "We were both at the gym EVERY DAY trying to get back in shape because we had let ourselves go. Being back on the market and making SURE the other one was jealous was complete motivation."
"I see it a lot," says Stacy Berman, a certified fitness trainer and founder of Stacy's Boot Camp in New York. "
“Individuals get in good shape to meet someone, then they meet them and gain all the weight back.”
Individuals get in good shape to meet someone, then they meet them and gain all the weight back."
Lose weight while you're still together
Although many couples train with her to get ready for their weddings, Stacy contends that it would make more sense if they started working out earlier in their relationships. In other words, get thee to a gym when your jeans are merely snug, not when you can't wiggle them over your hips.
Her suggestions for busy couples? "You have to make time for exercise, and do it together, so it's more of a bonding experience." Physical activities like boot camp, dance lessons, yoga or even a stroll around the park are far more engaging than side-by-side lifting or 20 minutes of mind-numbing ellipticals.
And instead of bonding over an expensive, caloric, high-fat restaurant meal, try grocery shopping at Whole Foods together. Okay, so it won't be that much cheaper, but at least you'll control what goes into your meal.
Take away the take-out menus
If you're dating someone who thinks of kitchens as storage for his take-out menus and shot glass collection, remember that just because he doesn't gain weight from downing several slices of cheese pizza, doesn't mean you won't. Many women unintentionally match the caloric intake of their partners, and with even just a 500 calorie differential, that's at least a pound a week.
The solution? Um... tell your partner to quit eating crap food in front of you! Or wait until he's gone and throw all the food into a black garbage bag, along with his cell phone, which should make ordering take-out more challenging.
If none of this works, don't despair. At some point you'll either have to lose weight for the Wedding, or you'll split and go on the amazing Breakup Diet.
In the meantime, just remember, "relationships are all about giving," says Ryan, 29, an artist. "And what kind of partner would you be without giving your mate the proper love handles for spooning?" You can imagine the ladies are all lining up for that.
More Julia Allison
Julia Allison is the editor-at-large for Star Magazine and Time Out New York's dating columnist. She appears daily as an on-air commentator on Fox, E!, CNN, MSNBC, CBS, and has written for Cosmopolitan, Maxim, New York, Teen Vogue, Seventeen, The Huffington Post and Men's Health. Julia got her start as the first college dating columnist at Georgetown University. Read her blog at blog.juliaallison.com. Comments? Email JuliaAllison1@gmail.com.
Leave a comment COMMENTS22 COMMENTS
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Derrick
WOW,A GIRL THAT &#39;LL GO WITH ME TO THE GYM? MY SWEETHEART.... SOOO MANY WOMEN R OUT OF SHAPE,ITS PATHETIC... BUT I LIKE THE ARTICLE, IT SHOULD HELP SOMEONE...
Jen
I truely believe in the breakup weight lost. It seem to happen to everyone that have lost a true love. I &#39;ve just broken up with someone I thought would be my future husband. I have lost my appitite. I lost about 5lbs in two weeks. Now I look in the mirror and I see a new me. I wish I hadn&#39;t lose weight this way. Unfortunitely, that&#39;s the brutal side of love. I feel good and ready to start dating again. There&#39;s always a down side to a lost love it ends with happy results.
A Yahoo! Contributor
It&#39;s amazing show me a woman with an engagement ring and I&#39;ll show you someone 10lbs.lighter within a year ! That &#39;s the same person who will carry the comfort weight and wonder why there&#39;s a guy secretly checking out the size 2&#39;s of the world. However you slice it you have to happy with yourself. If that&#39;s the case and you&#39;re a size 12 at least you know what you are getting up front. You can substitute the same argument for guys....
A Yahoo! Contributor
I am guilty of this as well. It&#39;s not intentional....it&#39;s just that dating is very fatning! The five course meals, the social scenes with alcohol and lattes. It&#39;s difficult to date on a diet. Right after my ex and I broke up, I lost a bunch of weight, I wasn&#39;t trying it just happened. I followed my normal work-out routine but didn&#39;t have the &quot;in a relationship&quot; or &quot;dating&quot; diet. After several months I started dating again and I&#39;ve noticed the weight has been coming back on...the culprit...expensive meals...coffee...etc. Interesting article.
A Yahoo! Contributor
I had gained weight over a period of several years while my marraige was going downhill. Once I made the decision to divorce, the pounds melted off without even trying. That is how I really discovered I was just a stress eater, get rid of the stress, and you will lose the pounds. I was thin for about 20 years in the marriage, and now I hope to get back to where I was this year, after two years of single life (which I am really enjoying). I date, but don&#39;t go for those four course meals, but do like my glass of wine with dinner, just skip the dessert and appetizers.
A Yahoo! Contributor
I think losing weight with your significant other is a &quot;GREAT IDEA &quot;! It can be a bonding experience that can actually bring the two of you closer together.
No Photo
BEEN THERE, AND IT HAPPENED JUST LIKE YOU SAID
A Yahoo! Contributor
Ummm do I detect a bit of Bitterness in that article?
A Yahoo! Contributor
Would you really lose all that weight with a bf or gf? i mean seriously!
A Yahoo! Contributor
I do work out at least 3 days a week sometimes more, it&#39;s been a year now and I&#39;ve lost 30lbs, into the second or third month of excercise I met a gentleman who pursued me ... after a couple of months I gave in and were now a couple, around the 3 months into the relationship we parted, and that month I lost over 7lbs instead of the usual 3lbs a month, I was amazed at the weight lose during that period ... then we went back together and everything is smooth sailing, I&#39;m still loseing weight at 3lbs a month, the holidays were tough because of all the celebating, but still lost weight, it was tough ... now I&#39;m back into my routine and hope to keep losing those lbs ... I&#39;ve almost lost all the weight I need to, my target weight and then I plan to maintain the weight until I check out, LOL ... I&#39;ll never be a fatty again ... So when asked what are my new years resolutions, I say I have none and smile, I did it already ... Life is Good, I&#39;ve been blessed ... Looking forward to 2008, Happy New Year you all ... C
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