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5 Don'ts Of Dumping: How to Improve Your Breakup Karma

By Andrea Syrtash, ONDating Special to Yahoo! Personals Updated: Aug 4, 2008

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What's the lamest way to breakup? Andrea Syrtash gets breakup stories from daters and adds a few horror stories of her own. Get the lowdown on the letdown and tips for doing it right.

Is there a good way to dump someone? Probably not, but there are better ways. According to my very unscientific study with some friends in my living room last month, the worst way to deliver the news is via text message (extra points deducted if you have a lazy thumb and use abbreviations: "I cant c u. over").

Breaking up is hard to do. But it helps to be considerate with the basics like time, place and delivery method so you don't add insult to injury. Here are my five "don'ts" of dumping:

1. Timing Is Everything

How many times have I heard someone explain, "I can't break up now. It's a bad time because... (fill in the blank with any event from a friend's wedding to a family reunion)"?

There will NEVER been a good or comfortable time to end it with someone you care about

There will NEVER been a good or comfortable time to end it with someone you care about, so don't wait for the perfect opportunity. The only exceptions to the timing rule are your date's birthday, a significant holiday like New Year's Eve, or the night before he or she has an important presentation at work.

2. Location, Location, Location!

If possible, pick a neutral and quiet place to end your relationship.

If possible, pick a neutral and quiet place to end your relationship. It may get emotional, so make sure that the dumpee is not driving when you have the conversation and that you're in a place where you both have an opportunity to express yourself without worrying about eyes peering at you. And do not break up at his or her favorite place or restaurant! He or she will never want to go back.

3. The Incredible Disappearing Date

If you've gone out a number of times or have seen each other for a few months, don't rely on your date to get the message on his or her own that it's over.

A close second to disappearing is relaying the message via email or text message.

A close second to disappearing is relaying the message via email or text message. If you're going to do that, make sure to include the fact that you would like to have a conversation following your note. Have the courage to end it in person and allow your ex to respond.

4. Hooking Up Will Screw You Up

I'm all for recycling, but not in this case. No booty calls with the person you've broken up with! You're not only making it harder on your ex who will cling to any glimmer of hope you offer, but you're making it harder on YOURSELF since you'll eventually have to break up all over again when you meet someone new.

5. Mouth Wide Shut

I believe in breakup karma. If you blab to everyone about why you want to end the relationship before you pull the plug, or gossip all over town after you end it, it may come back to haunt you. The dating world is smaller than you think. Unless your ex has done something that you feel you need to alert the masses about (and not just your close friends), keep the details of your relationship private and respect your ex.

What's the lamest way to breakup? Andrea Syrtash gets breakup stories from daters and adds a few horror stories of her own. Get the lowdown on the letdown and tips for doing it right.

More OnDating

Born in Toronto, Canada, Andrea Syrtash has been living in the United States for almost a decade. Andrea served as special editor for two books, "How to Survive the Real World" and "How to Survive Your In-Laws", and has written and lectured extensively on dating and living your best life. She has offered advice on NPR, in USA Today, as a writer for The Huffington Post and on NBC's Today Show. A graduate of The Coaches Training Institute, Andrea has been working with clients as a Life Coach over the past few years. She writes and hosts a dating advice show, ONDating, produced by NBC Digital Studios for ON Networks.

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Report Abuse 1. Posted by A Yahoo! Contributor Thu, Dec 20, 2007, 11:47 am PST

It's official. I think I'm in love with Andrea. Thanks for the good advice, as usual. Good point on timing. I've often put it off because of something or other but than you realize there will always be a reason or an excuse to keep the relationship going, even when it's not working. I just hate confronting it and wish the relationship could just disappear without feelings hurt, but I know that's not cool. I wouldn't break up with you, though.

Report Abuse 2. Posted by A Yahoo! Contributor Sat, Dec 22, 2007, 9:00 am PST

It's true there's no good way to dump, but there are better ways...good point.

Report Abuse 3. Posted by A Yahoo! Contributor Mon, Dec 24, 2007, 9:17 am PST

You have the greates tips for dating & braking up tips

Report Abuse 4. Posted by Christian Tue, Dec 25, 2007, 9:50 am PST

[profane]it! I just broke rule 5. I feel soooo bad about it. I'm just about to announce the breakup to her and I've gone and told her neighbor, a very good friend of hers, about it. I told her to be supportive to my ex in the upcoming days. And so on. I may have screwed myself. Damn!

Report Abuse 5. Posted by Terri Fri, Dec 28, 2007, 8:19 pm PST

If you want good dating karma-I believe in the golden rule and treating others with the same respect that you would want to be treated with. Andrea has good points with timing, place and delivery. I would also add to the timing not to kick someone who is already down, an expression, that if someone has recently suffered a loss it is not the best time to call it quits.

Report Abuse 6. Posted by A Yahoo! Contributor Sat, Dec 29, 2007, 4:43 pm PST

I agree that respect is vital when breaking up with someone. Especially if going into the relationship you knew that they were hurt before. If you are not interested in the person in the begining let them know ahead of time. ( Because no one deserves to be hurt that has already gone through it prior! ) Andrea you give good advice though. But in my opinion there is no good way to dump someone.

Report Abuse 7. Posted by A Yahoo! Contributor Mon, Dec 31, 2007, 6:58 pm PST

I am 15 years old and i have had 3 boyfriends but one of them broke up with me. And now i am trying to figure out how to break up with the one i am with now cuz he wants to do something that i do not want to do. He's just a good boyfriend.

Report Abuse 8. Posted by MiMi Sun, Jan 6, 2008, 10:00 pm PST

Right On Andrea

Report Abuse 9. Posted by MiMi Sun, Jan 6, 2008, 10:00 pm PST

Right On Andrea

Report Abuse 10. Posted by RANDY Sun, Jan 6, 2008, 10:11 pm PST

just be honest with yourelf and why, and most of all wtih the other person, remember there is more then just you in the picture. So, be nice and do the right thing, be up-front and no b.s. Do it the way you would want it to happen to you, if it was you.

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