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Helping a Buddy Survive a Dating Debacle

Yahoo! Personals' Breakup Survival Guide

By Yahoo! Personals Updated: May 22, 2009

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Few friends are as valued as those who have helped you survive heartbreak. If you are the shoulder your friend is crying on, keep these things in mind:

Tip 1: Make time. Immediately after it happens, clear your schedule and be with your friend, ideally in person. If you can't, set aside time to talk by phone or send supportive emails. Let your friend talk, blather nonsensically and/or sob uncontrollably. If he/she is not talking, encourage it. Let your friend know that you hear him/her and understand what he/she is going through. The point of this exercise is to let your friend get it out and think it through.

Tip 2: Distract your friend. Movies, sightseeing, wine tasting, outdoor activities and games are good options. Anything involving physical exercise is particularly helpful because it stimulates endorphins, which can provide a sense of well-being.

Browsing online personals can show the range of options that are still out there for starting over.

Browsing online personals can show the range of options that are still out there for starting over. Timing is everything. Don't move on to this phase too quickly. People need time to grieve about the end of a relationship.

Tip 3: Deflect dangerous behavior. As a responsible friend, your primary goal should be to prevent him/her from doing anything that will cause long-term damage. That includes reckless rebound sex, retail therapy he/she can't afford and major life decisions that can't be undone, such as selling a house or quitting a job. Counsel your friend to wait until he/she is thinking more clearly.

Tip 4: Practice tough love.

At a certain point, you need to stop with the sympathy

At a certain point, you need to stop with the sympathy and give your friend the kick he/she needs to get his/her life back on track. Warn your friend that once the relationship has been over for a certain length of time (six days, six weeks, six months, depending upon the duration of the relationship), you're going to limit the time you spend listening about the ex's foibles and virtues. Be honest about the fact that if the ex wanted him/her back, he/she would have heard from the ex.

More on Breakups and Recovery

The Yahoo! Personals' Breakup Survival Guide

Yahoo! Personals

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Report Abuse 1. Posted by A Yahoo! Contributor Thu, Sep 3, 2009, 11:46 am PDT

Has anyone noticed that with all these articles only the first 50 responses are posted? WHY BOTHER LETTING US WRITE COMMENTS IF YOU WILL NOT POST THEM?!!!!!

Report Abuse 2. Posted by A Yahoo! Contributor Thu, Sep 3, 2009, 12:51 pm PDT

at least i kno wat to do wit my friend next time she has a breakup. sum how i dont need that. could u tell mor tips?

Report Abuse 3. Posted by Jeremiah Thu, Sep 3, 2009, 1:43 pm PDT

how about a 13 year marriage that ends suddenly? What advise does ne one have about "getting back on the dating scene"?

Report Abuse 4. Posted by A Yahoo! Contributor Thu, Sep 3, 2009, 5:42 pm PDT

The article was okay with some useful things, however the author lost it with Tip 2. I think it's a great idea to distract the friend and keep them busy, but isn't it strange that a plug advertising "personals" would appear in an article about breaking up? If they really wanted to help, they would have put the advertisement at the end, instead of shamelessly putting it in the middle with the pretense of helping folks.

Report Abuse 5. Posted by A Yahoo! Contributor Thu, Sep 3, 2009, 1:57 pm PDT

i want some help

Report Abuse 6. Posted by A Yahoo! Contributor Thu, Sep 3, 2009, 1:24 pm PDT

I HAVE A FRIEND THAT BROKE UP WITH HIS WIFE OF FOUR YEARS AND HE DONT WHANT TO GO OUT ANYWHERE HE JUST WANT TO STAY IN THE HOUSE ALL THE TIME AND HE WAS VERY ACTIVE AT FIRST BUT NOW I AM INTRESTED IN DATING HIM BUT I DONT KNOW IF I AM HIS TYPE ? WHAT DO I DO NOW I REALLY LIKE HIM.

Report Abuse 7. Posted by Carrie Thu, Sep 3, 2009, 12:21 pm PDT

I have a friend that has been devorced from her husband for two years,grant it he was a cheating blah,blah but she cries all the time, I've don't the show thing and the dinner thing ,going out for drinks but the night always ends up with her crying about how bad she was treated. I too have gone through the same thing {not that I'm mourning over that loser} but if I ever even mention it' she automaticly changes it back to her and starts crying, I'm to the point I don't even want to talk to her we have been friends since Jr.high and I dont want to lose her as a friend but what should I do???I'm getting depressed just listening to her.

Report Abuse 8. Posted by Walter Thu, Sep 3, 2009, 1:28 pm PDT

I don't know that who are you walter here ?

Report Abuse 9. Posted by Robin Thu, Sep 3, 2009, 7:03 pm PDT

The statement in tipe number 4 is excellent. "If the ex wanted you back, you would have heard from him/her." MOVE ON. There is someone better out there for you. You just have to STOP hoping that the dead will resurrect themselves for you. You can't get a new relationship if your mind is still into the old one.

Report Abuse 10. Posted by Damon Thu, Sep 3, 2009, 12:09 pm PDT

I don't understand tip number 4 if the ex wanted you back he/she would have called. Think about it if the ex is reading all the other advice columns then he/she is told not to call the other person. So if everybody is told not to call how do you ever get back with somebody you broke up with.

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