Create Your
Single & SSAD During the Holidays
Dating Columnist, Time Out New York Updated: Mar 31, 2008
Our dating analyst has second thoughts about her singularity
By Julia AllisonDating Columnist, Time Out New York Updated: Mar 31, 2008
RATING THIS ARTICLE
This being my first holiday season spent single in several years, a thought occurred to me as I listened to Christmas music sans significant other last weekend. The thought was: "This sucks."
I really liked the idea of being single when I had it back in August. Going on first dates (even unmitigated bombs) amused me; there was no pressure to have a late summer or early fall evening filled entirely with love. Lust -- or a good war story ("And then he humped my leg! No. Seriously.") -- would suffice. But the same leg humping that was so entertaining in September is just depressing in December.
Why? SSAD -- Single Seasonal Affect Disorder, of course. In my haste to trumpet the joys of bachelorette-hood, I forgot all about it. You know, that ineffable casual-dating malaise that begins just in time for Thanksgiving and lasts through the New Year's hangover.
You feel it when you buy a wreath -- alone -- or a tree -- alone. You feel it when you go to holiday parties minus one.
It's not that it's harder to find dates. It isn't (hello, holiday parties?). But really, who wants to "grab sushi after" with some random guy when it's (supposed to be) snowing and you're (supposed to be) snuggled with your true love under a blanket and he's (supposed to be) thinking of ways to take you ice skating or egg-nogging? (Or, er, diamond-ring-buying?) Sushi suddenly seems anticlimactic. Unseasonable, really.
And then there's the Holiday Hibernation, a theory espoused by my friend Christine. "If you're single on Thanksgiving, you'll be single through Valentine's Day," she says. "
If you've got someone to curl up with at Thanksgiving, you'll hold on to them through February.
If you've got someone to curl up with at Thanksgiving, you'll hold on to them through February. Of course, then Spring Fever sets in and who knows?"
If you've got someone to curl up with at Thanksgiving, you'll hold on to them through February. Great. So if you're sans S.O. and SSAD now, get used to it.
In spite of that, many people insist there are upshots to avoiding serious relationships during the holidays. "That's one less person you have to worry about getting a damn present for!" says Jennifer, 23, a paralegal. Good point.
The rules on holiday breakups"One rule and one rule only, derived from bitter experience," writes college professor Jeremy Mayer in an email message, "Do not, under any circumstances, short of physical abuse or voting Republican, break up with someone on December 31st. MUCH better to break up on January 3rd or even January 1st, as some sort of twisted New Year's Resolution ('Sorry, I resolved to stop dating psycho hose beasts')."
If you haven't yet entered into such a relationship (with psycho hose beasts or anyone else), Sean Smith, 39, has an idea: "There should be a New Relationship time requirement where it's understood that 'hey, we just met and I really like you so please don't be offended but let's have a holiday 'time out' and I'll see you on New Year's Eve'... How's that?"
That, my dear Sean, would probably not go over well with the "Santa, baby" crooning ladies.
Those are the types of ladies another Sean, Sean Evans, 25, seems to date. "You always end up with someone who thinks the relationship has become more serious than you do," he explains via email. "This leaves you in a lovely predicament as she will inevitably invite you home to her house for the holiday, or out to dinner with her parents when they come to town. Then you stand there, with your mouth slightly agape, quickly trying to come up with an excuse to bow out."
What sorts of excuses work in this situation? "I've used such past beauties as 'My mom needs help stuffing the turkey so I have to go home' or 'My dog has separation anxiety and cannot be alone for that long' and my personal favorite: 'What? And miss the 24 straight hours of 'A Christmas Story' on TNT? I think not, woman.'"
Holiday romanceOf course, some people think there's nothing that makes the season brighter than a little casual holiday tryst -- at least enough of one to make the SSAD go away, perhaps.
"The holidays are gruesomely bleak and the only thing that can pick them up is a deliciously regrettable holiday fling," says writer Jim Behrle. "They expire in early 2008, no need for holiday gifts."
Merry Christmas, everyone, indeed.
More Julia Allison- Dropping Pounds Along With an Ex
- Holiday Gifts Gone Terribly Wrong
- Letting It All Hang Out On Halloween
- Party Of One
- Dating Advice From the Rich and Famous
- When She's Hot But He's Not
LEAVE A COMMENT
