David Wygant answers: I am always a firm believer in cutting through the BS and getting right to the point. You need to sit down with this man and ask him what he is looking for. Does he want a relationship, a friend, a lover, or he is just playing the field and having fun? By asking this way you are not going to scare him away. You are asking about what he is looking for, not asking him to define your relationship. Listen very carefully to his answers, and if something does not feel right about what he says, be sure to ask him to elaborate. You may be shocked -- he may spill his guts and tell you that he wants a relationship with you but he was too afraid to bring it up. Don't sit back in suspense; this is your dating life and you need to be in complete control. Keep me posted, you sound like a wonderful woman.

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. answers: Working on your car is a good sign. Some men show their affection by doing things for you more easily than they can find words. Also, this man may be slow to make up his mind about his feelings. I understand that you'd like to know the status of your relationship, but it's important not to push too hard. You may need to teach him how to understand and express his feelings. Choose a relaxed time, tell him you are really enjoying your time together, and ask him how he feels about it. Ask him if your friendship is going as well as he would like, or if there's anything you can do for him. Then, whatever he answers (which may not be much, if he has trouble putting his feeling into words), just let the conversation go to other topics. This will give him a chance to think about how he feels about your relationship. Wait a week or two, and try again. It is still early in your dating situation, so take your time and let the discussion grow. If the situation continues until you're dating for a year or more, it may then be time to ask directly. However, I think if you follow the gradual, low-key method, you'll find out how he feels and what his intent is long before a year has passed. Try to avoid the dreaded "We have to talk about our relationship." It's less intimidating if you ease into it.

The Insightful Dater answers: First and foremost, do you want to be his girlfriend? It's definitely a good idea to know what's going on for him, and to get the chance to express what is going on for you. Believe me, knowing is so much better than being in the dark. Without too broadly stereotyping, I think it's safe to say that men often do things such as what you have described as a display of affection. They want you to know they care and that you are important to them. Sometimes this means they may focus on your car more than you. For a time, they may fiddle with your spark plugs to avoid having to say what they are feeling. Bring up that you are grateful for all his help and you want to make him dinner to thank him. Doing something like this can open up not only a chance for a better read on his intentions, but also some quiet time (away from the oil pan) where you can ask him what he thinks is developing between the two of you (a friendship or more) -- not to scare him, but to simply know if you should wear that nice blouse the next time he's working on your car.

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