Hi Carrie -- What a wonderful problem to have -- two men who each seem like a good choice for you! From what you write, these two men sound like pretty equally weighted choices. But I wonder if picking between the two is really the problem.

You say that you want to date for a while and see what's out there -- maybe you are not ready to pick one person yet and that is part of your hesitation. There's no reason why you can't date casually, one at a time, and avoid the pressure of needing to choose.

How long have you been seeing these two? Do they know about each other? If you have been honest with both, then they are aware that you are dating someone else. Sometimes that's okay, but often a man or woman will not want to feel in competition for affection and will press for exclusivity.

If they know about each other and are not pressing you for exclusivity, then I suspect they are not wanting more than what they've got with you now: a fun, no-pressure, casual relationship. So why pick? You could end up with neither by weighting the one now-exclusive relationship with more pressure than it can bear.

If they do not know about each other because you have not been honest, that too says something about your readiness for an exclusive relationship. You have been married before, so I am sure that you appreciate the role of honesty and trust in a long-term relationship. Withholding information that another might use to make a decision about continuing to see you is as deceitful as a direct and intentional lie. If you are honest with them both now, they may end up doing the picking for you, and again, you may end up with neither.

However, if I had to pick between a rich guy who turns me on and the nicest man I'd ever met who I have a great time with, I think I'd pick nice. Chemistry and wealth can easily fade or even disappear. Nice tends to last. Actually, that you are having trouble picking between these two also suggests to me that you aren't ready to choose.

Dear Carrie -- Congratulations! You've hit the dating jackpot. Two very attractive men are vying for your valuable time and attention. Which is supposed to feel good. Yet it's causing you inner conflict and anguish. Which means your dilemma isn't which man you should choose. It's why you feel you must choose at all.

For a minute, let's get out of your head and your heart. Take a trip to your favorite shoe store to see what's out there. You have hundreds of choices. You say yes to some and no to others. Certainly, you don't feel responsible for the fate of the shoes you leave behind. Nor do you feel guilty if you take home multiple pairs. Unless, of course, you feel you don't deserve them.

Whether it's shoes or men, I'm here to tell you that you deserve them. Both of them. There is no shame in pleasing yourself. In fact, my favorite saying isn't ladies first. It's ladies twice. Certainly no shoes or men can please you the same way. That's why we celebrate our choices instead of berating ourselves for having them. While feeling stuck between a rock and a stone is as pleasurable as chewing glass, the good news is that we are never limited. Except to the extent we think we are.

I invite you to consider a third choice. One that will really blow your skirt up. Perhaps let the men in your life know that there are other men in your life. Perhaps decide to date even more men. Remember, dating is dating. You're seeing what's out there. Which means you have permission to see multiple men.

Dear Carrie -- First off, kudos to you for getting out there after being out of the dating loop for 25 years. It's to your credit that you've been bold enough to find two men you get along with so well.

I have a few questions to throw back at you: Have you discussed with either of them how open your relationships with them are? Are either of them dating other women? If both are still at the casual stage, you don't necessarily need to pick one, though I think the time has come for you to discuss and clarify with each man what you're each looking for.

Of course after one relationship ends, you want to explore yourself and the dating possibilities out there. Now that you have, you need to ask yourself what kind of relationship you want -- not just now, at 48, but as you look toward your future. Are you content with a fun, hot fling that may go no further than that? Do you want to get married again? You don't have to map out a five-year plan, or even a five-month one, but asking yourself what you want out of a relationship may help you pick the right man as well as be upfront with each of them about just how much (or how little) you're ready to commit.

I don't think you should discount either man automatically. The first sounds like the kind where sparks are flying left and right, but what will he be like in a crisis? Can you rely on him to meet your emotional needs as well? As for the nice guy, he sounds like someone who'd never break your heart, but will he make it pound like crazy? I don't think you should have to pit emotional vs. sexual chemistry against one another; when the relationship is right, you should have both. That being said, maybe you haven't known either man long enough to know if he can give you everything you want.

You haven't done anything wrong, so don't beat yourself up. I urge you to talk with each of them separately (you don't need to disclose at this point that you've been dating someone else unless asked directly) and figure out where they stand about how exclusive they want to be. If one or both of them is madly in love with you and would be heartbroken to learn of another man, you will need to end one of the relationships and be as straightforward as you can. Perhaps their answers will surprise you and give you some further insight into which is the man for you. I wish you happiness whoever you choose.

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