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What's With The Off-Color Joke He Sent Me?

By Tom Blake Answering your questions about dating and romance at 50+ Updated: Jul 25, 2009

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I have met a darling man on the Internet. We have corresponded for 11 days. Numerous romantic cards have been sent, he has mailed me pictures of his family, and we seem to have a good match going. However, after not hearing from him for two days, I was quite surprised when he sent an off-color joke with no personal note added. Is he testing me to see if I'm a prude? Or is this his way of showing me he's changed his mind about our relationship? -- Sandra B., 68, Paris, Tennessee

Sandra, he's likely testing you alright -- not to see if you're a prude, but to let you know that he hopes you will be sexual with him.

Sounds like he's not as darling as you first thought

Sounds like he's not as darling as you first thought and has ulterior motives. I'd let him know in no uncertain terms that if there is going to be a relationship, it's going to be slow and easy at the beginning. I'll bet you won't hear from him after that. I could be wrong. Relationships that develop quickly when the two people have never met are iffy to begin with. Sounds like he's a player. Be careful.

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Tom Blake has written more than 600 newspaper columns on middle age dating and relationships. His "Single Again" column is featured in the Orange County (Calif.) Register. Tom is the author of two books: "Finding Love After 50: How to Begin. Where to Go. What to Do" and "Middle Aged and Dating Again." He has made multiple appearances as a keynote speaker at national AARP conventions and as a dating after 50 expert on the NBC show, Today. Tom offers a free weekly "Finding Love After 50" e-letter at findingloveafter50.com.

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Report Abuse 1. Posted by A Yahoo! Contributor Thu, Sep 3, 2009, 12:53 pm PDT

I was corresponding to a seemingly nice "gentleman". We sent emails every day and all were totaly above board, then we were getting close to handing out phone numbers and I started getting seemingly normal emails only with a weird sexually deviant lable in the "subject" box. I asked him about this on the phone and he scrambled for words and nothing made sense, not to mention he had a laugh that sent chills down my spine. Time will tell!

Report Abuse 2. Posted by A Yahoo! Contributor Thu, Sep 3, 2009, 12:36 pm PDT

ummm...maybe he thought it was funny? did anyone think of that?

Report Abuse 3. Posted by Catherine Thu, Sep 3, 2009, 12:19 pm PDT

i had the saame thing happen only after 2 times corresponding,he said since he would show me the town from nunneries to sex clubs.needless to say that was the end of that i bleeped him off of my site and never ansered that email and never received another one from him.that message was loud and clear to me.how did he know where the sex clubs were.so long bad news..

Report Abuse 4. Posted by A Yahoo! Contributor Thu, Sep 3, 2009, 4:47 pm PDT

So...let me get this straight. A guy sends an off-color joke and that makes him "a player"? Did I miss something?

Report Abuse 5. Posted by A Yahoo! Contributor Thu, Sep 3, 2009, 6:35 pm PDT

So what is wrong with wanting to have sex?

Report Abuse 6. Posted by A Yahoo! Contributor Thu, Sep 3, 2009, 1:51 pm PDT

He's testing you...no fair. Move on. You'll be glad you did.

Report Abuse 7. Posted by A Yahoo! Contributor Thu, Sep 3, 2009, 12:52 pm PDT

So the guy is under judgment based on the woman's interpretation. I have my doubts about both of them. If the joke was standard off-color maybe the guy was acting out concerns about a relationship that was developing too fast. She needs to question her own motivations given the speed with she got romantic. What's with the family pictures? Is the guy married, divorced, never married, still living at home, what ... ? If she is as perplexed as I am then she does not have enough info to proceed. If all the info she has is what she shared then she should be perplexed - but about herself.

Report Abuse 8. Posted by Monica Thu, Sep 3, 2009, 4:25 pm PDT

He's definitely testing you. Call him on it immediately, and see if he snaps to attention and behaves, or disappears. Nothing will be lost in either case!

Report Abuse 9. Posted by A Yahoo! Contributor Thu, Sep 3, 2009, 12:04 pm PDT

There's nothing wrong with wanting to have sex, but if you seem to eager to get in bed with someone, it will turn her off.

Report Abuse 10. Posted by A Yahoo! Contributor Thu, Sep 3, 2009, 4:26 pm PDT

Are we really talking about dumping a guy for sending you a dirty joke? Why dont you tell him that you didnt appreciate it and see if it persists. If YOU don't have a sense of humor......He's probably too good for you.

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