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girls sat at home and waited for boys to call
Girlfriends or Girls Who Are Friends?
By Steve Dick and Lynelle Miller
Special to Yahoo! Personals
Updated: Oct 21, 2009
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Dear Steve and Lynelle, I am a young man in college. In the past few years I've had several girlfriends, but they seem to be more girls who are friends. Maybe I'm just unlucky in love, but girls seem to have no interest in being girlfriends. I've caught them in lies, saying they are too busy to go out, then find out they went out with a group of girls and guys. The lies include leading me to believe they want to be my girlfriend. If this happened once or twice, I'd just figure I had the wrong girl. But it seems systematic. Am I doing something wrong?Steve answers: Of course you are, you're a man. Have we ever done anything right? Sigmund Freud asked, "What do women want?" I'd venture a guess that men are no closer to answering that question than they were a century ago.
I'm not going to delve into the feminine psyche. Lynelle can take you on that trip. But I think there are sociological and cultural reasons behind the situation you describe.
First is feminism. Generations ago,
girls sat at home and waited for boys to call
girls sat at home and waited for boys to call. Feminism liberated women to have control over their lives and not rely on men to make them whole. It made them more independent and opened up more opportunities. That's a good thing.
girls sat at home and waited for boys to call Two, today's culture is one of immediacy and intimacy. There are so many opportunities to meet people through mobility and the Internet, which has also allowed people to tell all about their lives, however mundane most of it is. Settling for one person seems archaic.
Three, the more opportunities to meet people, the harder to please the seekers are. (This goes for both men and women.) I think women are more materialistic now, and attributes like good looks and money are of paramount importance. Those who don't have them are left behind because there are so many more choices than in generations past.
These are sweeping generalizations, of course. Women grouse just as much about noncommittal men. The only advice I can give you is to be patient. There normally comes a time in life when people want to seek out one person. You just never know when that time is. It sounds as if you have no trouble meeting women, so you'll eventually find one who is honest and cares for you. Meanwhile, enjoy the search.
Lynelle answers: Steve did a good job of answering this one, for a man, that is. He's right, women today -- including myself -- aren't just waiting around to get married like in the past. We want to have just as much fun and independence as our male counterparts.
A lot of us are focusing on careers and putting off relationships and families to see what's out there, become successful, established and THEN start looking to settle down.
I don't agree with all the lying these girls are doing.
If a woman isn't interested, she needs to be completely honest
If a woman isn't interested, she needs to be completely honest with you and not pull you every which way.
If a woman isn't interested, she needs to be completely honest But, maybe you need to approach dating a bit differently. Just go out, have fun and don't put so much pressure on yourself to find a girlfriend. If you start hanging out with these girls more as friends, you will eventually find that girl who likes you (and you her), and it will develop into something.
Be patient. Relax. Don't look specifically for a girlfriend, because that just brings pressure. It will happen, just give it time. Good luck!
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