It has been my experience that any man that is divorced is so for a really good reason he gave up being the man he started out to be. you don't know how many times I have see a guy start out being a devoted husband and after he gets married gives him self the green light to start being the jerk he did not start out to be. Like marriage gives you the green light that you no longer have to keep putting your best foot forward as you did when you were not married. For example when you are dating a woman or you are engaged to be married you are on your best behavior all the time, your thought full , sweet, considerate loving and attentive and do your best to please then after your married that all comes to a halt. Men who are married till the day they die, remain the devoted loveing husban they were before and after there married. They don't just stop being as nice as they started out to be just because there married.

It has been my experience that any man that is divorced is so for a really good reason he gave up being the man he started out to be. you don't know how many times I have see a guy start out being a devoted husband and after he gets married gives him self the green light to start being the jerk he did not start out to be. Like marriage gives you the green light that you no longer have to keep putting your best foot forward as you did when you were not married. For example when you are dating a woman or you are engaged to be married you are on your best behavior all the time, your thought full , sweet, considerate loving and attentive and do your best to please then after your married that all comes to a halt. Men who are married till the day they die, remain the devoted loveing husban they were before and after there married. They don't just stop being as nice as they started out to be just because there married.

Thank you for pointing out that the divorce may be the end of the healing process. It takes 2 people to make a relationship and if one of them is not contributing, the decline starts there. I like the way you write, keep on doing it.

I was a devoted faithful husband for fifteen years when my wife split and shacked up with some guy she met at work. The grass is greener right? well it has been almost four years now and our divorce is still not final.(ran out of money) She would love nothing more than to get back what she gave up but it is too late. I have been dating for the past year and divorce has not been an issue. maybe because most people my age that are dating are divorce or severely warped. Although before this Iw as Mr. commited relationship now I can barely commit to dinner. So maybe women should beware the divorced guy, although divorced woman also has luggage so I think it evens out.

Assuming that a divorce is somehow always the man's fault is ludicrous and a sign of a jaded woman who has yet to receive help. There are plenty of valid reasons that do not involve the man just giving up and "becoming" a jerk. I guarantee you that no emotionally stable person is going to meet a divorced person and immediately think, "Hmm, I wonder what she did to screw up her marriage..." In any case, though, I completely agree with the divorce signifying the end of processing a dying relationship - nowhere near the beginning.

You can't use dating or marriage as an experiment. You have to be honest from the start. You have to have very open concrete communications between the two of you. I was cheated on many times. My X was messing around with co- workers for some time while we were married and had children. Do I hate her?? no not any more, I feel sorry for. We dated for 6 years and were married for 7 yrs. A family is ruined because of this. However when I moved out I considered that the beginning of the divorce. I started dating very soon after moving out(~months) out of spite, anger, bitterness, loneliness and it was too soon. I do agree 6 months is a good span of time to give before trying to start date but everyone is different as each divorce is different, some will need much more time before they can honestly say to themselves that " I'm ready for a person and not a rebound". Rebounds aren't healthy to either partner. Everyone is going to bring some type of "Baggage" into a new relationship. If they don't they haven't lived. It's all in how you handle it...are you miserable , happy, positive, learned from it, have you buried it and not dealt with it.. etc.. I see no problem in dating a divorced person, in fact many divorced people have had the experience and hopefully worked some of the past issues out within themselves. They become a better person and if they have children than those people will be in a different league however they are still approachable and could turn into the best thing you ever did. :)

Just for the record, I tend to avoid a guy who has recently divorced or separated. It really does take a while to get yourself back together, whether you were the one initiating the divorce or not. The first guy I dated afterwards told me "you have issues that you don't know you have" and while I was not too keen on hearing this at the time, he meant it in the best of ways, and I found him to be quite accurate. My ex and I were virtual roommates for years while married, and I couldn't wait to start dating again. Dating is not all it's cracked up to be though. I waited until the divorce was final to actually accept a date, and had a few short lived relationships before I realized that I actually was not ready for a full on committed relationship. So I would say not to take it personally when women will not date you soon after divorce. Take the time to do some soul searching, figure what you really want from a relationship, and try to become the person you would want to date yourself.

LOL...be grateful when these women exit. Ifthey are that ungrounded you are better off without them.

it goes both ways people...men have the same fears...

I you have children, divorce can last a lifetime. How can you forget?